The First In-Depth Exploration of N00b and Anti-N00b Behaviour in the History of Neopia by Edith

For a newcomer to the message boards, the bombardment of seemingly nonsensical terminology can come as quite a shock. Yet it is not this particular feature of the good, old boards that leaves many a brave Neopian running in the opposite direction at the end of the day. What is this horror, this evil, this terror, you ask? Why – it is nothing more (but nothing less) than the menacing prospect of being labeled…*drum roll*… a n00b!

Thus, the purpose of this article is to do three things: first, to provide an insight into the world of n00bism; second, to identify the tenets pertaining to n00bism; and third, to proffer a solution so as to return the boards to all their previous glory.

Firstly, who or what is a n00b? Well, the creation of this word can most probably be credited to leetspeak – the internet cultural phenomenon that is also responsible for ambiguities such as pwned and 1337 (the equivalent of leet, from elite). N00b is basically a derogatory term used to describe someone who is spamming, generating off-topic discussion, or violating netiquette.

One Neopian who has given out more than her fair share of n00b accusations is “lekobonirl” – a prominent figure in the anti-n00b community. When asked to comment on this issue, she zealously stated, “Ever since the [n00b] uprising back in Year 5, their numbers have grown steadily, whilst our forces [anti-n00bs, presumably] are dwindling! Some n00b-lovers call it tolerance, but in my opinion, Neopians just aren’t as enthusiastic as they used to be. Nowadays, it’s hard enough explaining the threat of n00bism, let alone recruiting people and issuing them with n00b-blasters.”

“Tesofi” from S.P.D.C. (the Society for Protection from Derogatory Comments) had the following to say: “The poor Neopian who is often targeted as the n00b has never been exposed to the concept of netiquette. Often, they are unaware that what they are doing is not socially acceptable, and what I find is that when they are viciously attacked by the anti-n00bs (whose profession is by no means as glamorous as they make it seem), they tend to become defensive and immediately march further down the track of their so-called “n00bness”. It is only natural human instinct to rebel when we feel that we’ve been unfairly reprimanded, and thus, what the anti-n00bs are doing is not helping the situation in the slightest!”

Before it is possible to find a solution to the problem at hand, it is necessary to accurately define the situation. Therefore, your writer has identified the three tenets pertaining to n00bism as the following:

1. When there are n00bs, there will always be anti-n00bs. The converse is true.

From this, you might assume that the solution is to eradicate the n00bs. However, the problem is far more complex. You see, even when there has been no obvious “n00b” behaviour being displayed, particularly strong anti-n00b sentiment will result in the establishment of a scapegoat. So if we wanted to solve the problem via eradication, we’d have to eradicate both the n00bs and anti-n00bs, and that wouldn’t leave too many Neopians.

2. Out of the Neopians who have been classified as “n00bs”, there is a portion that enjoy the attention. Thus the solution of simply educating them on netiquette and acceptable behaviour will only work to a certain extent. Need proof? Just go over and take a look at the boards, you may be privileged enough to see multiple threads with the same title IN CAPITALS, despite the fact that in at least half of these threads, the original poster has been labeled as a n00b.

3. Just as there exists a faction of “report-happies”, there exists a faction of “anti-n00b” or “n00b-accusing” happies. The concept here is simple – if there were no more n00bs, what would these people do?

So, dear reader, I hear you ask – “What is the solution? Are the boards forever doomed to remain in their current, disharmonious state?” Well, the answer may not be what you expect, but here it is anyway.

Beneath the mask of disorder and squabbling, there is, in fact, an intricate and complex system of order. This subversion of the conventional appearance of functionality is merely the reflection of a new age – thus, there is no need to strive for a reversion, we have already progressed into the new millennium!

Does this seem as daunting as leetspeak? Don’t worry, what it basically means is that there is no actual problem. What do I base such a bold statement on? Well, the “n00bs” who like being called “n00bs” (see the second tenet) are happy. The “n00b-accusing happies” (see the third tenet) are happy. The “anti-n00bs” who aren’t “anti-n00b happies” (as opposed to those mentioned in the third tenet) are playing the vital role of the educators – educating the Neopians who do not wish to be labeled as “n00bs” – thus the dissatisfaction of either of these groups is temporary. You see – the unhappy n00bs soon stop being n00bs due to the positive influence of the unhappy “anti-n00bs”, and these “anti-n00bs” soon develop a sense of fulfillment as they have helped some people overcome their n00bness, and at the same time, they are carrying out an important duty.

So who does that leave? Ah yes – two more groups: the “tolerators” and the newcomers who run away in fear. Let us first address the “tolerators”. All you need to keep in mind here is that they are named for their tolerance – they either happily respect or put up with both the “n00b” and “anti-n00b” parties, or they really couldn’t care less about them. Either way – since they won’t complain about the n00bs, they are just as unlikely to complain about the supposed lack of harmony in the boards. They’re already happy (or seem happy), and always will be, so there’s no problem.

Now for the newcomers to the board – those who, part-way through their Neopian life decide that they’d like to pay the boards a visit. All we have to do here is educate – not in the strict sense of the word, of course. What I mean is a few friendly posts, helpful petpages, or just general guides to the chaotic (yet an ordered chaos) world of the message boards. The message that we need to get across is that despite the initial impression, the boards aren’t that scary at all. The worst that could happen is that the “n00b” title is bestowed upon the newcomer – but if we promote the title as something of an initiatory gesture instead, the stigma and menace behind it fades away, leaving a critical but helpful lesson in netiquette. The verdict? Don’t worry, be happy, all is well in the world of the Neoboards. – Edith