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"it was the best series starting with a teenage girl in love with a mysterious boy in her class that ended up with a teenage girl defending her growth-accelerated mutant hybrid baby from an ancient clan of evil vampires with her magical psychic shield that I ever read, THE END."

I am Voldemort, supreme mugwump of evil who has been patiently waiting for a new body for over 13 years and finally has a willing servant to make my body and another to deliver that boy-who-shall-die to me, but instead I'll wait an entire school year to let the boy make a fool of himself in a tournament so that I can turn the trophy into a portkey because only an item of great mystical wizarding history is sufficient to be used as a portkey by yours truly, even though that Mudblood-loving Weasle seems to think any old item would do; besides, we wouldn't want Dumb-le-bore to know that I am back and there is no other way to convincingly stage the death of a student at a wizarding school teeming with basilisks, acromantulas, and a crazed student-hating potions master except in a maze of hedges.

Voldemort: I need to get a prophecy from the ministry of magic, which is completely unguarded at night (except by a few pesky OotP members, but apparently they only guard sometimes, alone, and fall asleep on the watch), but only I or that boy-who-shall-die can retrieve it, and I can't go into the MoM because someone might see me, even though I am perfectly capable of apparating and using flu powder and there are no alarms to detect my presence, but I shall try to sneak in by possessing my snake, because that won't draw any attention, and then, when that doesn't work, instead of sneaking in with my minions (who are cozy with the ministry) and an invisibility cloak and taking the prophecy, I shall spend forever trying to lure that boy-who-shall-die-and-always-has-to-play-the-hero-and-make-a-huge-scene-and-has-OotP-connections-up-the-yin-yang to the MoM all the way from his school across the country so that he can get the prophecy for me.

Harry: I need to see if Sirius is alive. He might be in London being tortured at the MoM, and if he is, then I have to rush to London to save him. He gave me a mirror to contact him, but I'm going to forget about that and use flu powder to stick my head into the fire and shout from the basement of his 5-story house IN LONDON to see if he's home -- oh, crap, he's not answering, so why don't I hop out of the fire and really check the house, because then I'll be right there in London anyway... oh, wait, I can't do that, because then I would find out that he's home, never go to the MoM to save him, and then he wouldn't die trying to save me when I mess up trying to save him.

-Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: A young boy and a run away slave raft down the Mississippi River. The author will shoot you if you try to analyze the plot.
-The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: Girl finds an alternate universe in a closet. Jesus is shaved.
-Lord Of The Rings: Vast armies fight over a piece of jewelry.

Breaking Dawn: Girl and vampire get married, have sex, create half-vampire baby who turns out to be werewolf best friend's fated life partner. Half-vampire baby grows up really quickly, but not quickly enough to prevent a misunderstanding that leads the vampiric law enforcement agency to come after them. War is averted when more half-vampires arrive.

Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix: A school bureaucrat is outraged when students take an interest in their education.

Life Of Pi: Boy spends several chapters talking about how zoo animals are better off than those in the wild and his practicing three religions. Then he gets lost at sea sharing a boat with a Bengal tiger that is probably his imaginary friend.

Lord Of The Flies: Children learn about boar hunting and killing each other brutally.

The Odyssey: Man arrives home very late after commute from hell and murders unwanted houseguests. And half the staff.

You will be introduced to two rich cultures and their battle against a rogue wizard, but you won't care because you'll be wondering what happened to Frodo for half the book, you wanker. Don't ask about the title.

Savor its eponymous shortness; you're never going to see that again. Features a character named Rob S. Pierre participating in an oath of rebellion in a tennis court in a city called Nouveau Paris; David Weber wants to make damned sure you know the Cold War is over.