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 Post subject: Court Dancer's Poem
PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 6:42 pm 
Newbie
Newbie

Posts: 31
Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2005 1:52 pm
Location: My Kingdom of Lytrion
The Color White by Court Dancer
    White is the color of snow
    The color of milk that flows
    The color of a peaceful dove
    The color of a cleaning rubber glove

    The color that is on every wall
    Since parents say it matches all
    The color of an empty hall
    The color of all

    For me it's the color of nothingness
    An emotionless color
    To whom no one can express feelings
    The color white

    White is bleak and cold
    The color of the old
    The color of an empty cloud
    The color of a snowy mound

    White is the color that took Grandma
    White is the color that took Grandpa
    White is the color of all
    White is the color that took them all.


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I'm a toy doll, wind me up on stage. Watch me dance, and feel my rage.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 7:52 pm 
Beyond Godly
Beyond Godly

Posts: 3297
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 3:43 am
Location: Set by me.
Well, the beginning (the first two stanzas or so) seemed to have forced rhymes, while the rest barely rhymed at all. The rhythm was really off in places, and it was kind of repetetive, though that may have been dleiberate on your part. Really good ideas, some of them fit the color really well.


Mas mothaionn tu fein mar rud eigin caite ar an dtra...
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Lig dom goideail an croi duit...


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