Pink Poogle Toy Forum

Well, here’s the thing…

…there are approximately two billion children (persons under the age of 18 ) in the world.
~However, since Santa does not visit children of the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau).
~At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, which comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa had about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical).
~This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
~This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.
~Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purpose for our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 millions miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.
~This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound.
~For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run 15 miles per hour (or 0.004 miles per second).
~The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child receives nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the “flying” reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can’t be done with eight or even nine of them -- Santa would need 360,000 of them.
~This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons of traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere.
~The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000g’s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
~Therefore, if Santa did exist, he’s dead now.

Merry Christmas.

Lol Seen that in Chinese, but it's still funny.

That thing made my head hurt. But it does go to show just how far-fetched these children's stories can be.

You forget that santa has a force field in which the laws of physicals are no more. For one, it is what accually allows him to fly. For two, there is no air restitance, and in fact a strong current following in the dirction that the sliegh travels. Thirly Santa moves fast enough that he makes several stops back at the north pole. Fourthy santa has around 1000 clones of santa(just got to a mall, any mall. 99% a fake frauds, but if youve ever seen "Mircle on 34th street" you know there are some real ones. Some of these go by other names, such as "saint nick" of course. So now santas down to 9.7 vists per second. We add in the fact that he has a time machine by which he slows down time to 1/3600th of normal time(after all, he has a 75 trillion dollar grant by all of the world goverments, you wonder how he makes all those toys, right?) and we get that he now only has to make 9.7 vists PER HOUR.(well, each santa does). This gives him around 6 minutes per stop, or more than enough time to drop of all the presents and still get home intime for a chirstmas day football game.

Ha! Take that Santa!

Yes, Santa doesn't have to worry about the law forcing him to get a physical. *tries to keep a straight face**can't*

Seriously, though, this thing's hilarious! I it!

Well, ummmm... Merry Christmas!

You forgot to include the reindeer's weight and if one throws up, how much it will slow them down. Also if Santa has to take a break at a gas station or if he goes the bathroom and how long it takes to eat cookies and milk.

Santa uses his transporter to remove the waste from both him and his raindeer of course

Well, I see someone has a very, errr, creative mind...

I wonder how many elves help him. IF they go with him add 1 million lbs. to his sleigh.

Actually, Santa has his elves scatter throughout the world, posing as Santa's little helpers in malls everywhere. They then throw a magical forcefield around the entire world which stops time dead in it's tracks. His magical red sleigh prevents Santa and the Reindeer from being affected by the stopped time

He then has all the time in the world to deliver the presents.

He also uses this stop-time forcefield to assist in creating the millions of toys he and the elves have to create in a mere 364 days.

you forgot the effects of temporal dillation. (the faster you go, the slower time becomes, to the point of infinity at the speed of light, proven by the clock paradox)
why does everyone conveniontly forget this fact?

But when time stops dead in its track 50% of the helpers are trying to deliver and freeze in the process killing part of the population. But 25% comes back to life when Santa sprinkles life dust on New Years Eve, creating the world to think a new year is coming and to celebrate for no reason since the dust works all year on the moon when the Earth doesn't move place once.

ROFL!

I love it. Absolutely hilarious.