Sun Nov 06, 2005 1:42 am
Twinkle wrote:That last one is great!
i agree..
... too good, LOLLLLLL
Sun Nov 06, 2005 5:20 am
Where do you get these, Setekh?
Sun Nov 06, 2005 6:37 am
Setekh wrote:A married couple from Canada had planned to take on a vaccation to Brazil, the husband takes of two days before the wife because he has to do some buisness down there, at night he writes an E-mail to his wife but by accident sends it to an old lady who has just become a widow and here husband was a priest, she screams and faints after reading the messege, its says:
My love i have arrived safely, everything is set for your arrival tomorrow and i am looking forward to see you again and by the way it's damn hot down here.
Why was a priest married?
Sun Nov 06, 2005 6:40 am
LaceyJade wrote:Setekh wrote:A married couple from Canada had planned to take on a vaccation to Brazil, the husband takes of two days before the wife because he has to do some buisness down there, at night he writes an E-mail to his wife but by accident sends it to an old lady who has just become a widow and here husband was a priest, she screams and faints after reading the messege, its says:
My love i have arrived safely, everything is set for your arrival tomorrow and i am looking forward to see you again and by the way it's damn hot down here.
Why was a priest married?
To make mini-priests
Sun Nov 06, 2005 4:10 pm
Setekh you pwn this thread those are the awesomest of awesome jokes 
those are the awesomest of awesome jokes
Sun Nov 06, 2005 7:31 pm
Dali wrote:Setekh you pwn this thread
I agree. Setekh totally pwns us all. XD
Sun Nov 06, 2005 10:54 pm
Why does a bike have a kick-stand?
Because it is two tired.
Have you heard about the new pirates movie?
Its rated RRRRRR
Why did the orange stop running?
Because he ran out of juice.
Why was the hot dog wearing a blanket?
Because he was a chili dog
What do you call a stunk in court?
Odor in the court
What did the one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me
_______________________
At the end of a job interview, the head of human resources asked the young engineer out of MIT, "What starting salary are you looking for?"
The engineer decides to shoot for the moon, "I'm thinking of 125K a year or so, depending on the benefits package."
"Hmmm. Well what do you say to five weeks paid vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, and retirement funds that will match at 50%, and a company car leased every two years, say maybe a fine Porsche?" replied the interviewer.
The engineer gasps and says, "Wow, are you kidding?"
"Yeah," replies the interviewer, "but you started it."
___________________________
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
_______________________
A student on a class trip to the natural-history museum asks the guard, "Can you tell me how
old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard tells him, "Three-million-four year and six months old."
The student says. "How do you know that so precisely?"
The guard says, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
__________________________
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George
_________________________
I found a cheesy website, what can I say?
Because it is two tired.
Have you heard about the new pirates movie?
Its rated RRRRRR
Why did the orange stop running?
Because he ran out of juice.
Why was the hot dog wearing a blanket?
Because he was a chili dog
What do you call a stunk in court?
Odor in the court
What did the one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me
_______________________
At the end of a job interview, the head of human resources asked the young engineer out of MIT, "What starting salary are you looking for?"
The engineer decides to shoot for the moon, "I'm thinking of 125K a year or so, depending on the benefits package."
"Hmmm. Well what do you say to five weeks paid vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, and retirement funds that will match at 50%, and a company car leased every two years, say maybe a fine Porsche?" replied the interviewer.
The engineer gasps and says, "Wow, are you kidding?"
"Yeah," replies the interviewer, "but you started it."
___________________________
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
_______________________
A student on a class trip to the natural-history museum asks the guard, "Can you tell me how
old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard tells him, "Three-million-four year and six months old."
The student says. "How do you know that so precisely?"
The guard says, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
__________________________
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George
_________________________
I found a cheesy website, what can I say?
Sun Nov 06, 2005 11:13 pm
.:Requiem:. wrote::roflol:
Where do you get these, Setekh?
That would be telling.
Mwahahahaha
A wargaming site i frequent actually.
Now. For the downright odd ones.
_____
Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
_____
How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her
_____
Sun Nov 06, 2005 11:25 pm
Dali wrote:Twinkle wrote:Why did Jenny fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
OMG hilarious!! (yet so cruel)
Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:04 am
I just have one to add......
If you're Canadian when you walk in the bathroom,
And Canadian when you walk out of the bathroom,
What are you in the bathroom?
...
...
...
...
..
..
.......
.............
.................
EUROPEAN!!!! (You might have to say it out loud to get this one!)
sorry- just had to throw that one in. And i might comment that the koala joke was quite clever. I laughed out loud!
EDIT- I came up with another one, well actually I was emailed this one. Enjoy!
_______________
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
Think hard about the next one now!
2. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
NOT CORRECT answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
Come one, you can get this next one!
3.The lion King is hosting an animal conference. All of the animals attend except one. Which animal did not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant! It's in the fridge, remember?
Ok, so maybe you aren't doing to hot on this quiz. But you have one more chance!
4.There is a river you must cross. But is is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. Why? Because all the crocadiles are at the animal convention, remember?
Once again, i couldn't help myself.
If you're Canadian when you walk in the bathroom,
And Canadian when you walk out of the bathroom,
What are you in the bathroom?
...
...
...
...
..
..
.......
.............
.................
EUROPEAN!!!! (You might have to say it out loud to get this one!)
sorry- just had to throw that one in. And i might comment that the koala joke was quite clever. I laughed out loud!
EDIT- I came up with another one, well actually I was emailed this one. Enjoy!
_______________
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
Think hard about the next one now!
2. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
NOT CORRECT answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
Come one, you can get this next one!
3.The lion King is hosting an animal conference. All of the animals attend except one. Which animal did not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant! It's in the fridge, remember?
Ok, so maybe you aren't doing to hot on this quiz. But you have one more chance!
4.There is a river you must cross. But is is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. Why? Because all the crocadiles are at the animal convention, remember?
Once again, i couldn't help myself.
Wed Nov 09, 2005 4:00 am
Heh. That loast one's one of my old favorites, webkitty. I got them all right the first time I heard it, too.
Wed Nov 09, 2005 9:44 am
LAME JOKES!!!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick!
_____________________________________________________________
Yes it was who let the dogs out...
_____________________________________________________________
Rose said to her mum, "Mum, why did you name me Rose?"
Her mum said, "Because when you were born a rose fell on your head"
Then her sister Daisy said, "Mum, why did you name me Daisy?"
Her mum said, "Because when you were born a rose fell on you head"
"URRGGHHHHH"
"Shut up fridge!"
_____________________________________________________________
Why did the plane crash?
Cause the pilot was a loaf of bread
_____________________________________________________________
"Knock, Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Interrupting Cow"
"Interrupti..."
"Moo!"
Me and my lameness...
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick!
_____________________________________________________________
Yes it was who let the dogs out...
_____________________________________________________________
Rose said to her mum, "Mum, why did you name me Rose?"
Her mum said, "Because when you were born a rose fell on your head"
Then her sister Daisy said, "Mum, why did you name me Daisy?"
Her mum said, "Because when you were born a rose fell on you head"
"URRGGHHHHH"
"Shut up fridge!"
_____________________________________________________________
Why did the plane crash?
Cause the pilot was a loaf of bread
_____________________________________________________________
"Knock, Knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Interrupting Cow"
"Interrupti..."
"Moo!"
Me and my lameness...
Fri Nov 11, 2005 12:25 am
A little old lady once asked the pilot of a Boeing 747 how often planes crashed.
"just the once" he replied.
Whats brown and sticky?
Parcel tape!
"just the once" he replied.
Whats brown and sticky?
Parcel tape!
Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:12 am
What did the big duck say to the little duck?
Quack
A duck, a physist and a biologist are all given an egg.
The physist says "Did you know that this egg has exactly the right shape for maximum stabilty"
The biologist says "Did you know that this egg will one day turn into a real live duck?
The duck says "Quack"
A duck walks into a bar and says "Fooled you"
If you're really Canada, you walk into a washroom
Two guys are in a bar watching the 6 oclock news. The current story is of a man on a brige, apparently about to jump. One man turns to the other and sasy "Lets make a bet. If he jumps you buy me a beer, if he doesnt jump, I'll buy you a beer". The other man agrees. Soon there after, the man on the TV jumps. The 2nd man goes to buy a beer for the first man, when the first man says "Sorry, I have to admit I already watched the five o' clock news. It wasnt a fair bet". The 2nd man buys the beer anyways and says "Nonsence. I watched the 5 o' clock news as well. I just didnt think he would jump a second time"
Quack
A duck, a physist and a biologist are all given an egg.
The physist says "Did you know that this egg has exactly the right shape for maximum stabilty"
The biologist says "Did you know that this egg will one day turn into a real live duck?
The duck says "Quack"
A duck walks into a bar and says "Fooled you"
If you're Canadian when you walk in the bathroom,
And Canadian when you walk out of the bathroom,
If you're really Canada, you walk into a washroom
Two guys are in a bar watching the 6 oclock news. The current story is of a man on a brige, apparently about to jump. One man turns to the other and sasy "Lets make a bet. If he jumps you buy me a beer, if he doesnt jump, I'll buy you a beer". The other man agrees. Soon there after, the man on the TV jumps. The 2nd man goes to buy a beer for the first man, when the first man says "Sorry, I have to admit I already watched the five o' clock news. It wasnt a fair bet". The 2nd man buys the beer anyways and says "Nonsence. I watched the 5 o' clock news as well. I just didnt think he would jump a second time"
Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:25 am
A biologist, politician and mathmetician are sitting outside a Cafe. While they are drinking their various drinks, a man and a woman walk into the Cafe. A few minutes later they walk out again, this time however there is another girl with them.
"They must have reproduced!" exclaimed the Biologist.
"Nonsense!" said the politician. "Our original assumption that the Cafe was empty was merely incorrect."
The mathmetician stayed silent for a moment then spoke.
"By my reasoning, if one more person enters that Cafe, it will be empty again."
--------------
A duck walks into a Pub and says "I'd like a Hamburger please"
The Bar Tender responds : "I'm sorry, we don't sell those here."
The duck simply quacks and says "I'd like a Hamburger please"
The Bar Tender replies "I just told you, we don't sell them"
The duck flaps his wings angrily. "I want a burger!"
The Bar Tender, now angry at the Duck wasting his time, responds. "WE DON'T SELL THEM!"
The duck quacks loudly and says "I WANT A BURGER!"
The Bar Tender, now exceedingly furious, screams back at the duck.
"LOOK! IF YOU DON'T STOP ASKING FOR A HAMBURGER, I'M GOING TO NAIL YOU TO THE BAR!!"
The duck waddles off and comes back a few minutes later. Sitting down at the bar, he turns to the Bar Keeper and says...
"I'd like a box of nails please"
"We don't have any nails here, we're a bar, not a hardware store."
"You don't have any nails ??" the duck asks sadly.
"No. No nails." replies the Bar Tender.
"Then can I have a hamburger ?"
"They must have reproduced!" exclaimed the Biologist.
"Nonsense!" said the politician. "Our original assumption that the Cafe was empty was merely incorrect."
The mathmetician stayed silent for a moment then spoke.
"By my reasoning, if one more person enters that Cafe, it will be empty again."
--------------
A duck walks into a Pub and says "I'd like a Hamburger please"
The Bar Tender responds : "I'm sorry, we don't sell those here."
The duck simply quacks and says "I'd like a Hamburger please"
The Bar Tender replies "I just told you, we don't sell them"
The duck flaps his wings angrily. "I want a burger!"
The Bar Tender, now angry at the Duck wasting his time, responds. "WE DON'T SELL THEM!"
The duck quacks loudly and says "I WANT A BURGER!"
The Bar Tender, now exceedingly furious, screams back at the duck.
"LOOK! IF YOU DON'T STOP ASKING FOR A HAMBURGER, I'M GOING TO NAIL YOU TO THE BAR!!"
The duck waddles off and comes back a few minutes later. Sitting down at the bar, he turns to the Bar Keeper and says...
"I'd like a box of nails please"
"We don't have any nails here, we're a bar, not a hardware store."
"You don't have any nails ??" the duck asks sadly.
"No. No nails." replies the Bar Tender.
"Then can I have a hamburger ?"