Pink Poogle Toy Forum

(this is really long)

A good, solid 4 problems that arise in less than 48 hours. Anyway, where to begin... this week sucked. I'll say that much. Also, I'm Christian, so some parts of my religion may show: remember that my religion is NOT the main factor here, so I don't want a debate ovfer the issue. Moving on:

So yesterday during a class me and my friend drew on each other, and my teacher got angry so he made us write a paragraph on what we did, why it was wrong, and to get our parents to sign it. I already knew that everything would virtually go downhill from there: my mother was SUPER-STRICT for the wrong reasons. For example, she always compares me to the 'other children' in EVERYTHING, like: 'OMG, YOUR PIANO SUCKS, LOOK AT THIS OTHER KID HE'S BEEN PLAYING FOR HALF THE TIME YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING AND HE'S ALREADY AHEAD OF YOU!!!' and 'OMG, YOU GOT IN TROUBLE NO ONE ELSE HAS GOTTEN IN TROUBLE YET THIS EARLY IN THE YEAR (actually, my friend's already got a detention)!!!'.

Now this, 'believe it or not', REALLY.smurf.ME.OFF!!!

Now when will they (both my mother and father) ever see that though I may try my hardest, I may not be Mr. Beethoven-Child-Prodigy or Steven Hawkings-REBORN! I'm NOT the perfect little children THEY were, and whether or not they're going to adapt to that or not, the lifestyle today is CHANGING, and is much different from how they grew up. Like, in China: parents and teachers are SUPER-STRICT and TIGHT (not cool but 'TIGHT' TIGHT), and I live in Canada. Some of you may remember this problem from an earlier board: they won't see that a Canadian lifestyle and how you can treat your children and compare them to others are much different to China. Like, for example, after a horrific piano lesson one day, my mom was like, 'WHY CAN'T YOU BE PERFECT?' and then I'm like, 'Mom, think about it: if there weren't any IM-perfect children, then what would be perfect? If everyone was the same, with no faults, what kind of a world would that be? God made us with faults so that we are imperfect, because only God can be perfect because he's God.' She didn't really seem to understand though.

Anyway, after I wrote a lovely paragraph and gave it to her to sign when she was stressed (OOPS!), she yelled at me. (dur!) I TRIED to tell her that me and my friend were just teasing, but she thinks that we got into big fight, but all we did was DRAW ON EACH OTHER. DRAW ON EACH OTHER! I mean, I get into lots of little incidents at school, but apparently my mother, my perfect CHINESE mother, NEVER GOT IN TROUBLE ONCE FOR ALL THE 12 OR 13 YEARS SHE WAS IN SCHOOL. HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE?!??? My teacher seemed to think that this was serious, but you can't HONESTLY call it MY fault; my friend was bugging me so I drew on her and she drew on me, case closed. Like, look at it this way: these two people bullied the HELL out of me last year and their parents never even needed to know, but I get in trouble for DRAWING ON SOMEONE and my mom has to know.

OMG! Just, OMG at that.

All of the above is not the actual problem. In the morning, I tried to explain to her that we were just teasing each other and it wasn't really a big fight, but my mother, though she works in an English enviroment, has some trouble comprehending some English paraphrases. This combined with the Chinese lifestyle she's accostumed to ruins everything.

She said that if I get in trouble ONE MORE TIME this year, she's going to draw me out of school.

Like, WHAT?????????????????????????????? I love my school, and I was just getting into it too, and it ROCKS, and I've made so many new friends and even had my first crush this month, and it's a Christian private school, and she's talking about taking me out. I LOVE MY SCHOOL, AND SHE WANTS ME TO TAKE ME OUT OF A PLACE WHERE THE PRESENCE OF GOD FULFILLS THE CORRIDORS AND CLASSROOMS AND THE PEOPLE ARE SO MUCH NICER THAN A PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM.

A school where there is equality, where almost everyone has at least friend, where loners are only when you can't find any of your friends or you choose to be alone, and the entire area is filled with the presence of God: now what kind of a Christian would WANT to leave that?

Apparently, my mother. She never backs anything as 'Christian' or have any kind of thing that's God-related, even though we're a Christian family. When she told me that she might draw me out of my school, I was TICKED. TICKED OVER THE TOP TICKED. It's unreasonable, just simply so.

So yes, that's my first problem. Lalala.

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MY SECOND PROBLEM:

I told someone who I liked and, well, look at it this way: I told five people, and then THEY told five people, and then THEY told five people, and BAM! the entire grade knows.

Me and the person I liked, though this person already KNEW that I liked her, were both angry at this guy for telling everyone, and I think her feelings for me have dropped from I-dunno to OMG, so basically I have NO CHANCE with her now, or at least not until all this calms down. :'(

(yes this is small but meh)

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MY THIRD PROBLEM:

'tis my friends once again. Last year they bullied the hell out of me, and once I've told them what they were doing they've been acting so much better now.

Psh.

They always give these kind of put-down comments towards me, just like they did last year, and they're EXTREMELY cocky. I've learned of their pasts a bit, and I've found out that they, shall we say, 'charm and manipulate' people for their needs and that they were loners. WELL, I CAN SEE WHY!!! They're REALLY scary, and, well, just plain scary. Now I do say that my school doesn't have any loners, but, well, let's just make this one an exception, mmkay?

Anyway, I don't know why, but whenever my best friend goes, 'Of course, I'm more beautifuler and more popular than all of you!', I get TICKED. REALLY TICKED. FOR NO APPARENT REASON. I'm the one with a multitude of friends, and I don't know whether or not it's their secret desire to become super-popular, or if they're jealous at me, or if they're just plain weird, or their supernatural care for people that were 'loners-gone-cool', they just ANNOY ME SO MUCH WITH THAT KIND OF THING.

Not to mention at band camp: make one insult to THEM and they spaz out and totally ignore me. Can you REALLY SAY OMG X1000000000000000000000000000! They insult me 10 times as much as I diss them in a DAY, but you don't see me getting smurf at them, do you?

NO.

I talked to someone about it and they suggested two things:
a) They don't like me anymore and they were just keeping me a friend so they can annoy me. (see the above about manipulating people)
b) I should get new friends.

I like b, but WHERE would I get new best friends? I have a lot of half-friendships going on, and I could try that, but what if it doesn't work out?

:'(. (I need something to conclude this, lol)

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THE FOURTH PROBLEM. (guys only unless you really want to, girls )

I think I have a bad odour. The end. I could try de-odourant, but one day, when I was changing (I got to a private school so we have uniforms x_x) I took a whiff of my shirt and OMG. Is that what people smell when I'm around all day? It smells like corroded metal and sweat... HELP.

Well, a big problems, a moderate problem, and two smaller problems: the most I've ever had to with-held. If you awnt I can change the font type of the basic problems so you can comprehend it more, lol.

SAVE ME...

number one: to be honest its too late for me to properly read all that.

Two: oh boy. dont let it get out of hand, thats all will can say on that.
this could either become a big deal, or a honking huge catastrphe.
it depends on your age really.

Three: who needs enemies when you have friends like that?
(IE: get new friends, it might be hard for you, but hey, a brick wall is atleast better than a manipulating Prig)

Four: get one of those Anti-persperant slow release dealies.
that Lynx stuff is rubbish, as are most brands.
only thing i can suggest is to try them out.

Uhh, well your firends really sound...sucky. So you mite wanna get friends that are, well, actually friends. And for the odor, I guess you could spray febreeze on your armpits...haha...shhh...uhh, don't take that advice, or let me re-phrase: I would hope you wouldn't take that advice, ok enough of being dumb, haha, so here's a list:

1. Get New Friends (that really act like friends)

2. Try some kind of deodarizer EDIT: that works for you (I know its not spelled right but whatever)

First: Lol... I think you should try to communicate better with your mom. I know it may be hard sometimes, but just try to talk to her and understand her as well, and hopefully she'll understand you.

And did you say that your mothing has some difficulty understanding English? I don't think that's really her fault. I think it's harder for adults to learn new languages than younger people. Why don't you just communicate in Chinese? Or did you not learn Chinese?

Try to relax and bear with it. She is your mother afterall.

Second: This is why you never tell anyone who you like unless you absolutely trust them FULLY. You're sort of responsible for it too, although I admit that it was a mean thing of the ugy to do. And not every crush that you have will turn into a relationship (mine now has like a 0.000000001% chance of turning into a relationship. At least with yours, she is sort of considering and whatnot. So look on the bright side =P.) Don't worry about it.

Third: Lol... I hate it when friends put you down, it's so stupid. I think you should try to convey your emotions (i.e. tell them when you don't like it, etc.). If they still don't care about you and all that... then I don't think they're really true friends at all.

But hey. It's natural for people who are more lonely to try and find new ways to "fit it". It's hard being lonely.

Fourth: Has never been a big problem with me, so sorry, can't help you there.

Lastly, I don't really think you should say that your life SUCKKKSSS because seriously... everybody goes through problems like this. Four problems isn't too much... there are times when everything just condenses down on you. You have to learn to deal with them. (easily said, but hard to do) We should all enjoy life to it's fullest =).

hehe XD.

Problem #1: Take a deep breath, and bear with it. If she gets on your nerves too much, see if you can hang out at a friend's house for awhile.

Problem #2: Don't worry about it. She should be able to understand that you didn't know that guy would spill the beans all over the place.

Problem #3: Why do you even call them your friends? Find new ones; it's not always as hard as it sounds.

Problem #4: Change your deoderant. keep trying them until you find one that works. If you're still sensitive, find some cologne or some other nice-scented thing to use.

Third problem: Your best friend seems to just have a tab bit of an inflated ego at the moment. I've got a friend like that is a really talented performer and pretty but she has a little bit of an ego, but rather than that she's awsome. I figure something will humble her sooner or later, and I just wait for it to happen.

But, they do sound nasty. Keep ties with them, but work on those half-friendships! Also, stop using the word "best" when talking about friends. I try not to put any of my friends higher then the other. I think close, not best. It helps put your friend on a even scale. Also, hang out with other people sometimes. It couldn't hurt.

Issue 1:

Trust me, most parents still live in the past. And adapting to the present is just something that most of them can't or won't do. A simple example is that my parents, especially my Dad, don't realise that technology is advancing so quickly, and still believe that a discman is a top quality product, and consider mp3 players overrated.

You've just got to push them to it I guess. Make them realise that this is 2005, not 1972. And make them realise that this is YOU. You are not a canvas for your parents to paint what they wished to and failed to achieve in their lives. It's not so important to make your parents realise this, as it is for you to realise for yourself. After that, parents don't seem so threatening anymore.

Now, the problem about your mum comparing you to other kids. Use that tactic on her. Compare yourself to some of the worst kids. Although, if your mum is anything like my parents, her first retort will be that she 'doesn't care about the other kids, only you'.

And if all else fails, a bit of quiet rebellion always helps. If she does pull you out of that school, voice yourself, make it known to her that you absolutely refuse to move out of that school. Let her know that if you leave that school, you WILL fail yourself in education (use only as a scare tactic. don't actually mean it). This is like, a last resort though, and if your parents are really strict, as I know some are, then the problem may get worse.

But on top of all this though, you have to remember that your parents will always be your parents, and as such, should be treated with respect. But make sure that you let them know when there's something you really disagree with.



Issue 2:

Friends do that, unfortunately. There's not really much you can do.


Issue 3:

Those people... annoy me. Just try to make better friends with your half-friends. If your current friends annoy you, just slowly distance yourself away from them, whilst making friends with other people. That way, it won't be such a big blow to your current friends.

Meh, it worked for me once, it might work for others.


Issue 4:

I used to believe that my BO was really bad, but in all honesty, it is not that bad. It may seem bad but unless you walk around shoving your armits into people's noses, most of them won't notice.

And then, everyone, even with top notch deoderent (sp?), will smell a bit. So don't be so worried amigo.

If you really are worried, just buy some really good smelling stuff and use that. Preferably something over $5

i'm only going to touch #4.

get yourself some of that natural deodorant. the rock/crystal kind, NOT the anti-perspirant tom's of maine kind. you can put it anywhere, even on your feet (do not put regular deodorant on your feet, it will give you a fever). the crystal deodorant won't clog your pores and keeps you smelling good all day long.

a hint: if you have hairy armpits, the crystal will seem not to work for the first few days. don't give up.

also, keep in mind that the crystal is not an anti-perspirant. in my opinion, this is preferred as it is better for your body to do its natural cooling method, which is to sweat. clogging up your pores just makes you smell worse once your deodorant wears off. the crystal actually neutralizes odors instead of just covering them up. try it.


as for your other problems, the only thing i can say is start saving your money now to have a nice down-payment for an apartment when you turn 18. my mom was strict and crazy, and the most effective way i dealt with it was patience and getting the hell out when i could.

One: I can see where you're going with this. I have the same problems as well. My mother threatens to a. take away my laptop which I paid for b. Try to take me out of school. She also constantly compares me to other kids, conveniently forgeting the worse. Someone also mentioned you are chinese; I am too. Believe me. I am chinese too. Chinese parents tend to have twisted ideas about the perfect child. (aka. those really quiet girls that do everything their parents tell them to) Besides, the fact that my mother also constantly pines about everything I do, and continuously says that I will be the cause of my grandmother's future death. :/

For the piano thing. If you don't like it quit. Don't make it something your parents force you to do. For me, I FORCED it upon my parents, to let them know that I am playing the piano for me, and if I feel any pressure from them whatsoever, I will quit.

As for the scare tactic Twisted Sanity proposed, try it. It's not guaranteed to work. My mother, for instance, just yelled, "I don't care if you fail. I rather you have character!" Right.

Two: I can't really say much to this. Just let things simmer down for awhile. You never know, when things die down, you may find that you may not have liked her in the way you originally though.

I know my mother said I couldn't date until I was 18. ;/ I went ahead and dated this guy anyways. (I'm currently 15). Not that i'm encouraging you to break rules.

Three: Honestly, I wouldn't constitute those guys as friends. A true friend would never make you feel bad. If they did, and you let them know it, they would apologize and stop.

Try going up to a random person, be it a classmate, or just someone at a lunch table, etc. and go, "Hi, How are you? I'm so and so.." You never know, you can form friends quick this way. I have half of my friends from this method.

Four: I don't know much about a guy's odor... o.O; Wash your clothes more often. Wear fresh shirts (if you already aren't). Get some deodorant/anti-perspirant. CAUTION: I highly advise against AXE and other extremely strong-smelling colognes/deodorants/anti-perspirants. Honestly, its a big turn-off. A little is okay, but I would just go along with skizzy's idea, or an unscented anti-prespirant.

On a last note, shower at night, an hour or two before bed; or right in the morning. PE can also be part of the smell; just stock some deodorant in a locker.

Hope this helps. and i hope i dont sound harsh. ;x

About the smell; here's some advice from my brother who works slaughtering pigs for a living (so he smells).
Wash where you feel you smell (most likely under your arms) with a anti bacterial soap. Sweat doesn't actually smell, it's the bacteria that develops on it that smells. Using anti bacterial (which although i'm not a fan of due to super bugs) helps stop this bacteria from reproducing/creating smell.
Use a non scented sort of deodorant, those little crystal things are great, but can be hard to find. I'd suggest looking for them in a "natural foods" oriented place. That sell such things. You can always phone around first to find out who carries them.
As well, just follow the other advice; always wash your clothes; don't double wear, wear only a bit of cologne, dousing yourself makes other people faint... yeah. *nods*

Number 4 Responses: Thanks for the advice, but in Worship today I could smell myself... I've never used de-odourant in the past because there's never seemed to be a reason to, but I think I shall START. I shower once a day; I can't in the mornings because I'm in a GIGANTIC RUSH in the mornings; it takes me about 10 minutes to get up.

Also, about wearing the same thing: I can't help that, I go to a private school WITH UNIFORMS so I can hardly change what I wear every day unless I buy a TON of clothing.

Number 1 Responses: I can't remember any off the top of my head, lemme think... well, it's cool that our lives are almost the same person-above-me, but I think she's calmed down a bit. Maybe she won't remember it AS VIVIDLY in the near future; I just hope so, I don't wanna leave me schol just when I get accostumed to it.

Number 2 Responses: My biggest problem about that now is how I'm going to ask her out.

Number 3 Responses: I've been thinking of drifting away from them and making other friends without their knowledge, and then do something I should've done a LONG time ago: dump them. The only thing that ever kept me back from becoming popular was the fact that I didn't want to, but I could pull it off if I TRIED hard enough.

Well, thanks for your help. Any kind of responses about ANYTHING are still welcome!

Don't make me throw out a big fat "I told you so" because I will, man, don't even think i won't cuz I TOTALLY will.

Ok, the first problem is to me the biggest. Because getting along with your parents is important and I think it's the hardest. Growing up, I was never and I mean NEVER good enough (I am not Chinese, my mother was just deranged). It's kind of like fighting a losing battle sometimes being constantly compared to "perfect child" living in another house. There's no way for your mom to know that the person you're being compared to IS so "perfect".

Now, you have a strong cultural and language barrier to deal with, along with the almost inevitable generational problem.

If you can find a time when you mom's not stressed about something (like in a good mood), try to sit down with her in a non-confrontational or combative way and as gently as possible (she sounds like she's emotional, maybe a little insecure and very set in her ways - probably due to how she was raised) explain to her how much it hurts you when youo are compared to someone else when you are trying your best with piano or anything else it is she's comparing you to. You appreciate that she wants you to do your very best and to excell in life, but comparing you to others only makes you feel frustrated and upset. Don't fall into the "You do this, you say that" ... Make it "I feel this, I think that".

As to the threat to pull you from your school, that may be an empty threat to make you straighten up. I don't know. Tell her how much you love your school, how you believe you're getting the very best education there to help you get into college and have a good life. That the other school does not have good academics and your grades would fall through no fault of your own.

Problem 2? Unfortunately, whenever you tell 1 person something, especially something they consider good gossip, it's going to spread. Human nature, age doesn't matter. So, get yourself a journal that you keep at home and use some sort of coded language that only you understand (in case anyone gets their hands on it) and tell yourself those secrets. As to the person you like, just lay low, be friendly but not overly friendly - but dont pull away completely either.

Problem 3 ... I had very few friends in school, I was not allowed to first of all (long story), and I was considered a non-entity. Our school was kind of split between the rah-rahs (cheerleaders, football players, pep team, etc.) and the low lives (the bad kids using drugs, etc.). I wasn't either, so I was pretty much on my own. The rah-rahs were bullies, they were the popular "In" crowd and could make your life miserable.

Your case, it sounds like some people trying to make themselves feel better by putting you (and probably others) down. They think life's a popularity contest. I guess the only thing I can suggest is whatever of these friends you're closest to stick with them and try (I know it's hard) to let the rest roll. Getting you to lash back is just what they want.

The odor problem, probably hormones or stress or a combination. It happens! If you can, try hand washing (if needs be) your shirt when you get home from school and hanger dry it, then give it a quick ironing (leave the underarm area alone - don't iron that) if it needs it. Shower at night, use a good deodorant, not an anti-perspirant both after your shower and again in the morning. Carry one with you to school. I take one with me if I'm going to be dancing (can't have the audience going Eewww) or doing anything that I know will be physically demanding or stressful (yes, even girls stress sweat and yes, it can smell pretty awful). I don't know if the crystal works or not, never used it, but it may be worth a try. I did see a liquid spray on type of crystal in the drug store just yesterday.

One other thing, if you don't already, try wearing a t-shirt under your uniform shirt and again, carry an extra in your backpack/book bag in a bag. That way, if you start to even think you're smelling something, you can duck into the bathroom and do a quick t-shirt (and deodorant) change, and stuff the worn t into the bag. Those you can usually pick up a 3 pack of pretty cheap. Just buy enough to get you through a school week and wash them all over the weekend.

Problem 2 about the girl I can easily relate to. 1 person finds out and then the whole year (or grade) finds out. Just a fact of life. Basically, I find the best way is to tell nobody about how I feel about a girl (well, the only person that needs to know is her). I know it can get tiresome with people prying to try and get some gossip, but I guess we all have to live with it.

Reply to problem 2: Just maybe wait a bit (a week or two), and just try to be calm or so, and be like, "So.. would you like to *insert activity here*?"
No matter the age, gossip turns to other places pretty quickly.

You can ask her to out to some place to eat, the movies, or just a plain walk in the park. Just try to be calm and straightforward; it's okay if you are nervous. Don't try to beat around the bush.

If you sound kind and sincere, and she likes you a bit, you have a pretty good chance of her saying 'yes'.