To Reply or Not to Reply: A Scaredy Chicken's Dilemma

[.:Requiem:.]

Just think to yourself: Would you find it annoying if somebody PM'ed you? I'm sure you wouldn't mind, right? ^_^ So why should this other person?

Jade's just summed it up for me.

If you find it hard, why not PM someone you think is nice and won't mind random PMs but you don't know too well? Me for example.

Or me. =D

Random PM's please me to no end. =P

[atomicblonde]

Jas, you've summed up my own feelings much more eloquently than I ever could.

I love to get random PMs, and I'm so excited when I do. Then I get scared. What if they really didn't want a reply? And when I do reply, I read it over about a million times trying to decide how dumb I sound.

Another example of this happened today actually. I'm applying to grad school, and I really needed to contact professors to see if they could give me a recommendation. I put it off for weeks and weeks because I was so afraid I'd bother them if I e-mailed them. The thought of calling them up on the phone or visiting their offices was even more terrifying. Finally, I had to call my mom to give me a general idea of what to write in the e-mail, and to make sure I sent it.

Hopefully I'll be able to overcome it someday. I really need to because I want to be a financial advisor. I'll need to contact people all the time and be completely comfortable with it. *sigh*

[Alex]

Jas, you dork!

Kidding

And to add more to it, I never know when to end a PM conversation. I always worry that I'm dragging it out unnecessarily (even if it's still 'going strong'), or when I finally realize it's dying out, I'm afraid I'll seem rude if I don't post one more time.

I have the exact same problem! I'm the same way with texts, too...I can never decide whether I need to reply or if I'm just wasting my credit.

I also very very rarely IM people I'm not quite close with out of fear I'll just be annoying them.

Same here. Especially with texts, even though I get free ones ;P And then my friend gets annoyed because I haven't replied, and I'm trying to explain to him that I didn't even know if he wanted a reply.

Ooh, that means Cassi's close to me =D

[everconfused]

*waves banner*

I have described myself as being socially uneducated or slow. I'm a mess when it comes to dealing with people. I never know if I should pm someone or if someone pm's me how I should reply or if I should. And IM's! Oh, that's usually something like, If I IM them I'm going to be bothering them and I don't really have anything important or witty or funny or intelligent to say and I'll bore them to tears and make them run away.

The phone? I only use the phone to talk to real life people if there's an emergency. I'll talk to my roomies if they call, but I've known them both for around 20 years so they know I'm weird (and we always have something to talk about and have the references for whatever).

Other people? I'm a shrinking violet, extremely shy, and I'm kind of scared of people. I stay in the house or if I have to go out I tend to wait until it's after busier times of the day so I don't have to see anyone and think of something to say. Small talk is something I never learned how to do, and most of the people I know in this neighborhood are super-educated (I did graduate HS, but no college for me and we now live in a college town), so half the time I have no idea what they're talking about, I feel stupid and awkward, so I just hide out. Yea, I'm pretty much a wreck socially!

My "door" here is always open, I just don't always respond I don't think quite right. Unless it's something specific that I know about ... then I'm afraid of writing too much and putting people to sleep. I don't know when to stop, how many pm's or im's or whatever is enough, not enough or too much!

Jas, as for you my dear, I happen to think you're an absolutely wonderful person and a true marvel, how you manage to juggle so much and with so much caring and love. You give so much and ask for so little in return. I know I can feel it when I read something of yours. I would be honored to have you as a friend.

Don't worry about whether or not to respond to something. If it feels right or you have something to say, then by all means ... otherwise, I'm sure people don't feel slighted if you don't respond. I know I don't.

[hyperflutterby]

I put it off for weeks and weeks because I was so afraid I'd bother them if I e-mailed them. The thought of calling them up on the phone or visiting their offices was even more terrifying. Finally, I had to call my mom to give me a general idea of what to write in the e-mail, and to make sure I sent it.

You do exactly the same thing I do if I have to make a phone call. I'll put it off for weeks out of fear, then it reaches the point where you have to do it. But because I've put it off so long I'm even more scared to make the call now since I know that since I'm up against a deadline, the other person won't be so happy with me calling at the last minute and having them save my butt. That's just leading up to the point where I start to make the call!

When it comes to the actual call, first I'll try and write a list with any information I could possibly need (you know like account numbers, addresses, etc.). Then I go over the list and exactly what I'm going to say over in my head several times. Then, if I'm still not confident (or was too scared to even begin this process) I'll call my mom or my boyfriend and have them walk through the conversation with me going through all the information I need to give the other party and making sure I don't forget to ask them any information I might need. It usually adds up to 15-30 minutes worth of terror building up, to culminate in a 2 minute professional phone call.

However I have no trepidation at all about giving a presentation to a lecture hall full of people, go figure.

[Twizzler0171]

I'm pretty good with answering IM's or PM's... unless I'm busy, note it with the intention of responding to it as soon as possible, and then forget about it... I'm bad at that, heh. For a response... If I can think of a response, I'll respond, but not if my response would be something like, 'Heh' or or something.

Oh, gah, I'm awful in real life though. @_@ I'm fine around people I know and am comfortable with, but if there's even one person I don't know or am not comfortable with, I get this sort of deer-in-the-headlights feel (dunno if it passes on to look, but yeah ) and can't think of any responses. To anything. And then I get frustrated with myself because I -want- to talk, to get to know the people better, but I just can't seem to. >_<

As for the phone... I rarely use it at all, unless it's calling my parents or something, or when family calls. None of my friends have my number, I think - at least none of the ones I see at school, except for maybe one of them, heh.

[Kugetsu]

Hehe, I have that problem too. XD I usually don't care if people reply to my PMs or not, but when I get them, I don't know what to do to some of them so I just um... pretend it was a conversation stopper and wait until the next one. I'm pretty much the biggest conversation killer ever. ._.

Then again, I don't think I've ever randomly PMed someone I don't know, I'm just not that type of person (though it's crossed my mind to send random PMs to a few people =P)

I'm also the type of person to answer and comment on every little thing that someone mentions in a PM whether they meant me to or not. x_X

[Shoyru_Lover]

Don't be shy. It holds you back from eternal happiness. Don't care what others think of you, just talk!