Neopets: The Official Magazine #2 by chibicelchan

Shoyru_Lover —  April 12, 2018 — Leave a comment

Table of Contents

Features
Hunt For Hidden Avatars!
Top 10 Dung Items
The Snowager
The Advent Calendar by Theresa Richmond
The Plushie Tycoon
Vira
Battling on a Budget
The Snazziest Shop in Neopia!
To Zap or Not to Zap! by Alison Wainwright
Adventures in Neopia
Oooh… Pretty!
Dominating Deckball
Deck Builders by Michael Elliott of Wizards of the Coast
Neopets TCG Card Checklist
More Cards to Contemplate
Columns
Surfing Neopia
Pet Plushie Guide!
The Perfect Gift

Departments

Editor’s Note
The Editorial
Lenny Trivia Challenge

Fun & Games

Neopets Art Gallery
Poster
Contest: Win a set of Neopets TCG
Neopets Comic
Marketplace

The ever-extortionate Neopets: The Official Magazine (Not to be confused with all those other non-official Neopets magazines out there) is here, and boy, does it cost a lot of money! As it was once said in a press conference held by the Secretary of Office of Position, (and I quote), “There is possibly no better way to revive the foundering economy than to find something that people are going to spend a lot of money on, and then charge a lot of money for it.” Yes indeed, those words are just as true today as they were a few minutes ago when I made that quote up, and it’s clear from looking at the latest

issue of Neopets: TOM, that making money by selling things is just what the doctor ordered for our favorite online game, Neopets.

The cover is actually quite enticing; made of the same paper that’s used for those really expensive coloring books and embossed, the image of the fierce white Kougra they used to represent this issue literally jumps off the page and demands that you spend the $10 on the magazine, or else that cute Bruce in the Santa suit’s going to be lunch. As any wise person with money to blow would do, I put down the $10 for the magazine, thus saving the Bruce from a horrible, horrible fate (to reiterate, the cover’s real nice).

Unfortunately, the cover is a bit of a misrepresentation of what you’re going to see inside the actual magazine. While the cover is new, unique, kicky, wild, and wacky, slick and savvy, the contents of the magazine don’t quite work with those same adjectives. As it stands right now, the Neopets magazine is great for users of the TCG and those looking to complete their collection of every single piece of Neopets merchandise ever created, and the actual site and its users as a result take a very obvious backseat to merchandising. Quite a shame, really.

FEATURES

Hunt for Hidden Avatars!
You know, maybe it’s just me… but I think the whole craze over those darn avatars is just out of control, but that might be because I generally try and avoid the chat boards like the plague. However, the article does actually tell you where a few of the avatars can be found, and hints like crazy toward the whereabouts of others. To read this article, though, you sort of get the impression that having an avatar on the chat is tantamount to a religious experience of some sort. I mean… it’s just a little animated gif.

Top 10 Dung Items
Oh boy! Dung, dung, and more dung. I feel ashamed that I’ve let the dung phenomenon pass me by as I have, because these 10 dung items are really something special. From the Dung catapult to the Dung Playpen and back again, this guide to all things fecal really made me want to run right out and buy some Dung Pizza and then run my mind over with a dung steamroller.

The Snowager
Accompanied by a cute picture of a cowering Ixi trembling before the great snow snake thingy, this article states in completely vague and foggy terms the experience of visiting the Snowager. Sometimes I wish Neopets would just quit with all the mystery already and state some cold, hard facts. Not that everyone doesn’t already know when to go to the Snowager and lose all your HP or maybe risk life and limb for a keychain.

The Advent Calendar
Right in time for Christmas, this article is actually pretty informative, although why they took up 2 whole pages with pictures of last year’s prizes is beyond me. They have some interesting trivia (har har, that zany Pant Devil took my Rod of Supernova!!) and I suppose if someone has a special place in their heart of hearts for the 2002 Advent Calendar, they can look fondly at the lovely spread and sigh happily as they remember how happy they were to get their hands on that Dr. Death plushie (I actually had forgotten about the Christmas petpet paint brush, now it’s going to drive me crazy until I remember what I did with it!).

Plushie Tycoon
Just to show that I can, in fact, review this thing objectively, I can honestly say I have never played Plushie Tycoon, so the information in this article is news to me. (I thought the game was gone…) 2 pages of
solid information and tips. I suppose an avid Plushie Tycoon player already knows this stuff, but it could come in handy for someone who’s just starting out on the game.

Vira
Vira, the evil Acara, has her own two-page spread that reads like a teaser. I didn’t actually see the point of this article because it doesn’t actually give any information that I couldn’t have guessed by looking at her pictures. Wow, she’s evil? Those red and green glowing eyes were no indication of that! It is written pretty well, however.

Battling on a Budget
This is actually a pretty cool guide to battledome items at all prices. The budgets listed are 10,000np, 100,000np, 500,000np, 5,000,000np, 25,000,000np and unlimited np, and each budget has a variety of items for under the maximum amount. While I can only stare and sigh wistfully at some of the items in the “unlimited” section, each item listed gives the price and the damage it does to your opponent. Very cool!

The Snazziest Shop in Neopia!
A typical beginner’s guide to how to make your shop interesting. I cringed when I read one of the pointers, ” Make your shop stand out by using HTML, adding a shop blog and making full use of the fun images around the site.” To me, that just screams “Flashing backgrounds, 20 megabytes of annoying gifs and all kinds of things that will lag your internet connection to 1 byte per second and probably crash your computer.”

To Zap or Not to Zap?
An informative piece written about the lab ray, one that actually recommends buying pieces from shops/ auctions. This surprises me, I actually expected them to say that the only way to get them is random
events.

Oooh… Pretty!
Fun multi-page guide to various paint brushes, accompanied by examples of what each brush can do. They don’t have every brush listed, but what they do have is pretty self-explanatory. I have to hand it to the Neopets Team, their scintillating commentary on the brushes makes even the most dull paint job sound exotic and fascinating.

Dominating Deckball
A guide to the game Deckball, which I’ve never played. What surprised me about this page was their little section with information on getting extra lives in Warf Rescue Team, Eliv Thade and Frumball. Not the kind of tips I’d expect, just because of my paranoia at “cheating” in flash games.

Deck Builders
I didn’t read this article, but it seems to be pretty informative for someone who’s interested in the TCG.

More Cards to Contemplate
And they were not kidding. This list of cards goes on for pages! Numbers 121-234 are shown in their full glory.

Columns

Surfing Neopia
How weird is this?? 2 pages in the Neopets magazine featuring Neopets fan/info sites! I guess this is a regular thing, which is kinda cool. Since they’re doing all the biggies, I wonder if that means it’s only a
matter of time before the featured sites are geocities pages with no content except a fake login page? Nah.

Pet Plushie Guide!
Being a sucker for plushies, I actually liked looking at this section. Do they have this in every issue or something? Yes, it’s shameless merchandising, but I have to say I really want that Desert Aisha plushie.

The Perfect Gift
Awww, a happy little Christmas story that tells of the beauty of material possessions. At least, that’s what I got out of it. Cloud PBs ain’t cheap.

Departments

Editor’s Note
Basically a note talking about how great Neopets is.

The Editorial
Talk about Neoschools (they’re really coming, honest!), Illusen, paint brushes, and yet another reminder that Jelly World doesn’t exist.

Lenny Trivia Challenge
I have to admit, a lot of these questions were pretty hard. :/

Fun & Games

Neopets art Gallery
They’ve got fan drawings this month, and a submission slip.

Poster
Whopping big tear-out poster with Illusen and a bunch of the trading cards on one side and the Kougra from the front cover on the other side.

You know, I just realized something odd. For some reason, the magazine just suddenly skips from page 32 at the start of the art gallery to page 50 after the poster. How weird is that?? Does the poster actually count as 18 pages?

Contest-Win a set of Neopets Cards!
Contest entry form that asks you questions about everything from breakfast cereals to anime, and asks how you rate each section of the magazine.

Comic: Last of the Grundos part 2
The big mean Grundo dudes discovered the Ixi, and the little blue Grundo dude rushes to her defense… and then some more stuff happens, and the big mean Grundos turn into little green Grundos… or something… all right, I didn’t read it. Three pages and I didn’t read it. I’ll tell you why, it was that Ixi that did it. She has the same expression on her face in every panel, and her eyes are possibly the creepiest thing I’ve seen in the whole magazine.

Marketplace
Selling stuff, selling stuff. – chibicelchan

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