1. The easy way always gets you frozen.
2. The quality of a Neopian Times story is inversely proportional to the quality of the picture the Staff will use to represent it.
3. The neochat monitors never watch until you make a mistake.
4. The Neopian Lottery is similar to the real lottery in that you will never, ever win it.
5. In the Wheel of Excitement, the “Mystery Prize” slot is 10 times larger than pictured.
6. No matter how many codestones you buy, you’ll never get the right combination of the ones you need.
7. The Lupe at the Golden Dubloon can’t do math, so don’t even try.
8. When you e-mail a question to the Staff, it takes three weeks to be answered. When you say “suicide” in the chat boards, a dozen Staff members are on you in three seconds.
9. If it’s too good to be true, it will probably get you frozen.
10. In Meerca Chase, the fish negg always waits until you’re .2 seconds away from crashing into a red negg to appear.
11. The most dangerous thing in the world is a bored Neopets monitor.
12. Chia Flour can make a dull day fun.
13. The Snowager makes sure to keep the most useless items within easy reach.
14. The amount of an item left when you restock is directly proportional to how much cheaper it is on the wiz.
15. If you go to the Healing Springs with full HP, the faerie will heal you completely. If you go to the Healing Springs with Achy Head, the faerie will give you a snowball.
16. If at first you don’t succeed, whine to the Editorial people about it.
17. Anything you do can get you frozen, including nothing.
18. In Invasion of Meridell, if there’s few enemies, your attacks never miss. If there’s tons of enemies, you couldn’t hit them with a pillow at a two-inch range.
19. The price of an item will always rise within one hour after you sell it.
20. Newbie packs were created with the sole purpose of giving newbies a false impression of how generous this game is.
21. Putting a faerie pet through the Lab Ray is like giving a supermodel steroids.
22. When trying to prove why your account should be unfrozen, don’t try to use reason with the Staff. For every fact you have, they have 10 mindless, nonsensical statements to blow it out of the water with. – ChromeFox