Obesity: How to Avoid Being “Large and in Charge” – A Satire Regarding Obese Neopians by Christiane Pheil

Kym Huynh —  December 31, 2016 — 10 Comments

Every year, Neopia grows … literally. Not only is our population increasing, the size of our pets are increasing. In 2004, over 64% of adult neopets were overweight, over 30% were obese, and 5% were at the point of no return. Being obese is defined as being 25% or more overweight based on height. The poor pets who suffer from obesity have to endure social displeasures on a daily basis such as constant insecurity and a drastically increased financial burden to themselves and the general public due to health issues related to obesity. Of course it is easy to point the blame at the victims of obesity, but in reality, a number of these unfortunate pets are victims of genetic obesity, inherited by ancestors rather than developed by a large consumption of groceries. No matter how much a pet weighs, he/she is affected by obesity in one way or another. If we separate those who are obese and allow them to live in a specific area of Neopia, it will create an opportunity to eliminate obesity and improve the overall health of this nation.

By moving the hopelessly obese pets to a specific area, such as Roo Island, it will remove 59% of patients from community hospitals, reducing taxes directed at the general public buying health care. Of course, if we set aside a small portion of Neopia to allow obese neopians to live, Neopia will become more need-based, creating much more space in hospitals located in the fit part of Neopia. All neopians will have to pay taxes due to their health and weight. Obviously, if obesity costs over 100 billion dollars more each year, it isnt fair to impose an overweight tax on everyone regardless of their weight. At the same time, it isnt fair to tax pets and owners more if their obesity is due to a genetic disorder. There is no painless solution to this problem, but separating the obese from the healthy will allow the obesity gene to die out over time.

It would be pointless to transfer obese pets to specific reservations and allow them to produce and raise more obese children. In that case, those moved will not be allowed to reproduce because having more pets will help the obesity gene survive, nullifying the entire reason for the separation. The goal is to continue to keep the obese separate until they either lose weight or eventually die out, along with any gene relating to their disease. All remaining Neopians, those rendered healthy enough to stay, will be required to carry a card containing his/her health information. This card is to be swiped at all restaurants and grocery stores, only allowing the customer to buy items fitting his/her dietary plan. The use of this card will control what owners/pets buy, insuring a healthier society. Dietary plans will be designed for every pet, based on amounts of exercise and metabolic rates specific to that pet. Each plan will be modified and adjusted every three months to insure that each pet is continuing to stay healthy. Once we make an initial transfer of the helplessly obese, the objective is to try not to have to move anyone else, as long as they abide by their preset diets.

Although transferring all obese Neopians seems hostile, those moved will not be treated poorly but rather superbly. They will have access to need-specific medical care, an endless supply of support and will live in a carefree environment without prejudice or insecurity. Clothing stores will be strictly for overweight pets so they can shop without the embarrassment of buying double or triple X sizes. Over time, the number of obese people will abate and eventually vanish. The people who are not required to move with the system will be guaranteed a healthier diet and will have an incentive to remain healthy. Overall, separating the obese from the average citizen will relieve stress from both parties as well as create a healthier, happier nation – Christiane Pheil

Kym Huynh

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10 responses to Obesity: How to Avoid Being “Large and in Charge” – A Satire Regarding Obese Neopians by Christiane Pheil

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