Asparagus in a Neopian World

Kym Huynh —  May 26, 2018 — Leave a comment

That’s right asparagus! I LOVE ASPARAGUS, it’s one of my favorite categories on Neopets. I mean, just look at all the foods, weapons, and references to it there are on Neopets! It’s great! There’s over 20 food items that have asparagus as an ingredient, most likely more than 30, but I’ll stick with 20! Four battledome items that I count, which I just love! And other miscellaneous items that all refer to asparagus! It’s just great! Lets take a deeper look.

Ok, food. I love neopian food, it’s great, most of it being VERY creative! But the asparagus stuff goes above and beyond in my opinion! Look at the Strawberry Blend Slushie, the description states “A delicious mix of asparagus and strawberry. Healthy, full of vitamins – a killer combination!” Yum right? Okay so maybe it wouldn’t be so yummy but I think it sounds awesome. Now personally I like asparagus in real life so when I say something sounds yummy I mean it, unless I say it doesn’t, no sarcasm there! Honestly the Asparagus and Yoghurt Pizza I wouldn’t touch in a million years, green veggies just don’t belong on pizza! But you have to admit it’s creative! Asparagus and Butter Hotdog, “Hot buttered asparagus in a cheese flavored hot dog bun.” Now that I just might would have to try someday, minus the cheese bun thing. It’s kind of funny because the description suggest that there’s no dog in there, yet the picture clearly shows one… Strange, but if I were to try it I would put in a dog just like the picture shows! Cheesy Asparagus, now this I have had, it’s so good! Now this next one, I’d love to sample, Spinach and Asparagus Pasty, sounds really good! I also think it would be interesting to try an Asparagus Candy Cane! Okay by now you prolly think I’m incredible weird because I like asparagus as a food. Have you actually tried it? If not do. Now if your mother made it and she doesn’t have the best track record in cooking, I take no responsibility for how you think it tastes. It has to be done right, good temperature, right amount of seasonings or sauce. So you go at your own risk!

Anyways moving out of my weird tastes in food, (and I love junk food so I’m not completely tasteless…. just partially) weapons. I can only count 5, the dagger, the ray gun powered by the asparagus, the twigs, and the mighty sword! And my above all favorite, ASPARACHUCKS! How much better than this stuff can you get? Now maybe they aren’t all powerful in the battledome, but they are pretty cool! Lets take the dagger, how often can you stab someone with asparagus? Not everyday, let me tell you. (Unless you have one of those families that does the whole food fight thing in which case you probably do it every night which is just the coolest thing ever, but moving on), Asparagus Powered Ray Gun, now I wish this baby had a better description on it! Instead it just says “BZZZAAAP your opponents into pieces with this amazing gun!”, now how does it do that? I like to think of it as shooting out stalks of asparagus at your opponent riddling them with holes, covering them in green goo, completely demolishing them [yes I have a LOT of time on my hands, why?]). So moving on to the Asparatwigs, magical or projectiles? I think they’re both, either way they’re really cool! Well if you don’t like those three there’s always the Mighty Asparagus Sword! This thing is really cool, and is also my next item I’m planning to make out of sculpey! It has an awesome silver handle that curves over your hand/paw/hoof/fin/(okay there’s a lot of these things…) etc. so that while you fight with it it’ll protect you as well. And no one can fight against the asparagus, it’ll eventually win out! And now we come to my above all favorite, (yes I know I’ve already said that) the…… ASPARACHUCKS!!! You can check out my nifty little sculpey tutorial here! (shameless plug I know! But I can do that because I’m a columnist for PPT!) These things are just too cool, I mean how can you not like asparagus attached to a metal chain that you get to whirl around and smash things with? There’s nothing better! I’m guessing you people are starting to think that I’m ultimately crazy so I’m going to move on again.

The miscellaneous! Hows an official trading card or two for you? Real and virtual! That’s right, the fabulous card, rightfully titled, Asparagus. (or Asparagus (TCG)) And to further justify the fact I’m not crazy about it tasting good the description reads as follows, “The Soup Faerie tells me they’re yummy, and faeries aren’t supposed to lie.” Of course maybe this doesn’t justify my liking asparagus… (if you don’t understand why, read my last column.) Then there’s the all new Asparagus Chia, eat a Popsicle, become an asparagus stalk! Personally it’s my favorite Chia “color” yet, it beats all the others by far! As of this time of writing, Adam’s account has 5 Asparagus Chia’s! Go take a look if you don’t believe me! It’s so great! So when do we get the Asparagus furniture and fixtures for our neohomes? I sure wish we would! There’s even a stamp, featuring the Mystery Island Chef that features asparagus in its description! And now something, that I have chosen to set apart from the food, Faerie Asparagus. The description reads “Picked fresh from the flying asparagus trees in Fyoras private gardens.” Is that cool or what? I’d love to see these gardens, or mainly just the trees! That’d be so cool, but kind of inaccurate, asparagus grows kind of like corn, in stalks, I have some in my garden! Or will, I plan on planting it this weekend! Fun! I’ll keep you guys up to date with pictures! (I know you’re just dying to see them growing in my garden!) You know I have some sunflowers growing already, maybe I should just add some magic potion? If I were to do that at the cooking pot I’d get asparagus! (Magic Potion + Sunflower Seeds = Asparagus)

Okay so by now you’re most likely wondering just how does asparagus fit in a neopian world? Right? No? Well I am so here goes! Lets see what I can pull out of my hat! Asparagus makes the neopian world not kill each other… no that’s not right, there’s asparagus weapons… Basically the people of neopets just plain and simple like asparagus because it’s different! I don’t like the asparagus because it’s good to eat, even though I still say it is and I’m not crazy, (not in that way at least) I like it because it’s different! I mean come on, where else can you go and see people hitting and shooting each other with asparagus? (Your family dinner table doesn’t count) And where else can you see Chia’s walking around looking like huge asparagus? No where I tell you! And where else can you take a bubble bath in a tub made of asparagus? Okay so you can’t do that one yet, but give it time! And there is definitely no where else that serves Asparagus and Yogurt! And if there is it should be burnt to the ground! So next time you’re in Neopia take a look around at all the asparagus! People devote shops, guilds, their names, their pets names and their neohomes to it. (I keep forgetting there’s no such thing as Asparafuniture yet…. like I said, give it time!) So long live Asparagus!!! P.S. If any of ya’ll feel generous send any kind of asparagus my way!

Okay so I’m taking suggestions for my next article! So if you want to let me know what you want written about that has to do w/the neopian world email it in to me and I’ll consider them! I’ll also personally mention your neoname as having given my the subject topic! So send them on in to! I look forward to hearing from you! – diva_brat

Kym Huynh


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