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Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2004 10:44 am
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More college quotes!! Yay!! Here are another three categories for you to enjoy. Some have been edited, but most have been left alone.
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Police Encounters
10-4. Some college students do tend to get in trouble with the law. <static> It seems that they do not care about their education. If it were not for these quotes the subject would not be funny at all. Over.
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Amanda: Yo if the cops come, I'm gonna hide behind the couch.
Malissa: The couch?!
Amanda: Yeah yo, if the cops come they're gonna be too busy arresting you to look behind the couch.
Officer Winski: If I have to come out here one more time tonight...
Sierra (interrupts): Could you bring more beer?
-The third time the cops were called to a house party
Cop: Do you have ID son?
JN: Nope.
Cop: No wallet or driver's license?
JN: Nope.
Cop: Okay empty your pockets. What is this?? A wallet?! I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR LICENSE.
JN: Ohhhh yes I definitely lied to you.
Police officer: Get out of the truck.
Amy: I am WAY to drunk for that, you get in.
-Amy, before receiving a DUI
"Oh I'm sorry, miss...I thought you were talking to that dumpster."
-Campus police officer to Courtney while she was yelling up to a dorm window
Police officer: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Jasmine: No....but I bet you were going just as fast to catch me!
Police officer: Why are you speeding?
Matt: Well I'm running late 'cause the police officer down the road gave me a ticket for speeding.
"Help. They're after me. I don't know how much longer I can stay here before they see me."
-Alex, using an emergency outdoor telephone to warn police that the police were chasing him
Police officer: Pour that beer out.
Liz: (Pours out beer.)
Police officer: And the other.
Liz: (Pours out the second.)
Police officer: And the other.
Liz: (Pours out the third.)
Police officer: It hurts doesn't it.
"Sorry occifer...I crossed the street cause I couldn't read the sign. I'm lesdixic, you know...AND BLIND! That's a lovely looking gun by the way.
-Tom, toying with the law
Police officer: How's it going?
Jamie: Oh, pretty good. Just killed a guy.
"There's no blood in my alcohol occifer."
-Melinda, drunk on campus
Eric: Would you stop spraying me with mace?!
Police officer: Would you stop tearing down light poles?!
Eric: No.
Police officer: Well then...
-As the officer got even closer and sprayed more mace during the VEISHEA Riot
"Hey, if I lay down, will you line me in chalk?"
-Katie, to the cops as they busted her party
John: I'm so sorry sir I only drank five I swear here is my driver's license, my insurance papers, my gun, all the whiskey I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
Police officer: Do you realize your left tail light is out?
Police officer: You have two options. You can dump out your drinks and go, or I can write you a ticket and THEN you can dump out your drinks and go.
Josh: Could you explain option #1 in more detail? YOU GUYS! Listen up!! I wanna make sure we're not committing to something too early.
-Josh, drunk on campus with friends
"Well, if the cop would have pulled out his night stick it would have been a senseless beating for being senseless."
-Adam, after peeing on a police car
Police officer: I have been waiting all day to catch you.
Jacob: I got here as fast as I can.
-After getting pulled over for speeding
Ricky: Dude, what would you do if the cop gave you a breathalyzer?
Kate: Well, I wouldn't breathe!
Ryan: BRILLIANT!!
-Driving home from a party
"Tell 'em your in the pokey!"
-Police officer in the background as Jeff made his one phone call after being arrested for underage drinking
"I wish you would have gotten hit."
-Campus bike Cop, lecturing a student for jaywalking
Neil: I guess it's nice to get an easy arrest once in a while.
Police officer: Naw it's way more fun when they resist arrest and get all out of control. Using force is fun.
-While wearing cuffs in the back of a cruiser
"Hey, get off my car!"
-A police officer, after Matt and his friends were arrested for underage drinking and told to stand in front of the patrol car while the officer used the radio
"Why doesn't someone call the cops and see if they're coming?"
-Meghan M., responding to worries that the cops might try to break up a loud house party
Kerry: Occifer, I'm not as drunk as I think you am.
Police officer: How many have you had son?
Kerry: One....GALLON! PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY! OINK OINK!!
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Striking Revelations
 'Nough said.
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"You know, being pepper sprayed is kinda like getting turned down by the great-looking girl. No wait, that's what happened when I got turned down by the great-looking girl."
-Drake
WOAH! I had three trains of thought and they all just collided."
-Susan
Lee: Wow, you actually got something for yourself!
Bobby: Well, you stopped responding to "Get in the kitchen and make me some food!”
Bobby: If I had a dime for everytime you've said that to me...
Lee: ...then you'd have a dime.
"Mental note to self: I have a good memory."
-Eimear C.
Joann: Starlight, starbright, first star I see tonight...
Aaron: You can stop right there. It's not going to happen.
Joann: Why not?
Aaron: Because that's Mars.
Joann: 
-During a night walk
"Our key's are lazy. They don't get lost like other keys, they just sit on the couch."
-Ryan, after finding his keys for the on the couch for the fourth time in four days
It smells like birthday.
-John, after someone lit a candle
"It's not right. It's anti-right. It's like....wrong!"
-Kris
Sleep Talking
College students don't get much sleep, and when they do get it, they still can't shut up!
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"You're going to start something on fire! I'm so glad I have my chapstick..."
-Allison, sleep-talking while her roommate was throwing garbage away
"No, I really don't think it washes in pumpkin."
-Bo, sleep-talking about who knows what
"What on earth are you going to do with 20 slices of pizza? Okay, stop...don't come any closer."
-Jenn, sleep-talking
"Joe, what would you do if I burned you? Huh?"
-Rob, sleep-talking junk about his roommate
"Watch dem fish. Go on, they just fish. Watch 'em."
-Ben, sleep-talking
"The monkeys are going to Mexico..."
-Liz, sleep-talking in a hotel near the beach
"Watch out for that, BISCUIT NOOOOO!!"
-Katie, sleep-talking
"We can blame all of our problems on martial arts, that's right, all of them."
-Sean, sleep-talking to his roommate
"And the third time, the pizza was upside down."
-Megan, sleep-talking
"You, well you are the communist of pizza."
-Bill, sleep-talking
"Gotcha!!"
-Erin, sleep-talking to her snooze button
"I'm so hungry my stomach is about to eat my other stomach."
-Rex, sleep-talking
"Because I am a banana banana banana banana spoon."
-Radha, sleep-talking
Jessica: Sarah, can I kill you?
Sarah: What?!
Jessica: I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to my sandwich.... But you're in it.
-Jessica, sleep-talking
"Call the government! Wild ovens are invading Portugal as we speak."
-Kate, sleep-talking
"I'm sorry, I'm new to this planet."
-Anthony, sleep-talking
"She's brute, she's brute, is that enough for your soup?"
-Shaun, sleep-talking
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Just so you know; I have one or two more batches of college quotes to be posted in the coming weeks. The good news is that as long as there are college students, we will have great quotes such as these. Which means that there will always be new college quotes to post. The bad news is that I may only be able to post them once a month. I'm glad you all have been enjoying these as I've been.
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