Project Pillsbury: The Letters

[Nani]

So I finally got up off my lazy butt and did the Project Pillsbury letters. Before I start sending them, I really need some good C&C. Keep in mind I'm 13 and know nothing about writing business letters.

I'm fully aware that there are quite a few people who don't support PP. That's fine, but please keep it off this topic. This is about the letters; let's keep it that way.

The formatting got a bit messed up when I pasted them in. The first is for the media, second is for Neopets, and third is for sponsors.

Dear ,

I am writing to you concerning Neopets.com’s recent addition of banner ads to the tops and bottoms of their pages. As you may know, Neopets is a virtual community aimed at children and teens but which appeals to players of all ages. They claim to have over 25 million members, and rank 10th on the Web in total pageviews, ahead of Amazon.com.
Neopets uses a technology called “immersive advertising,” which places their sponsors’ products into games and features on the site. This system is good for sponsors because it is more effective than traditional banner advertising, and it is good for the players because it doesn’t disrupt our Neopets experience. Neopets’ own press kit states:
“This new integrated advertising method incorporates the advertiser's brand, service and/or message directly into entertaining site content, thereby creating brand affinity with site members, rather than brand rejection that can result from offensive pop-ups and banners.”
Recently, however, Neopets went from relying solely on immersive advertising to placing not one but two large banners on nearly every page. At the top is a 728x40px banner, and at the bottom is a large square advertisement. These ads are not targeted towards Neopets’ audience; many are for scam sites, and some include content (such as references to sex and pregnancy) that Neopets users can be punished for mentioning.
Neopets is losing players due to these ads. Parents don’t want their children to view their contents. Additionally, the ads slow down players’ connections and place spyware on their computers. Worse, Neopets promised many times never to have banners and pop-up ads on their site.
What happened to immersive advertising? Apparently it wasn’t profitable enough for Neopets’ CEO, Doug Dohring. But even so, why would he make such a horrible business decision in adding banners? The ads hurt the players and sponsors, and in the long run they will hurt Neopets too.
When the changes were made, I started a petition to protest the ads. “Project Pillsbury” now has over 1,000 signatures. That’s a whole lot, considering I’m a no-name 13-year-old. But signatures alone can’t do much.
That’s why I’m contacting you. Project Pillsbury needs publicity to have any effect on Neopets, Inc. If you write about Neopets’ new ads and why they hurt the site, Neopets’ immersive advertising sponsors will take notice and put pressure on Neopets to remove the ads.
Please let me know if you are at all interested or have any further questions. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible!

Sincerely,
Caroline X
Coordinator, “Project Pillsbury”

Dear ,

I’m writing to inform you about Project Pillsbury, a campaign to remove the 200x200px pagebottom ads from Neopets.com. Over 1000 Neopets customers have signed Project Pillsbury’s petition, pressuring your company to remove the bottom ads and target the top banners towards Neopets’ intended audience. Not only do your customers hate them, they are bad for your sponsors. Banners that are entirely inappropriate for the site, such as those mentioning pregnancy or advertising “generic Viagra,” have been spotted. Thus, while they may seem like a good plan now, the banners will ultimately hurt your company significantly.
What do the players have to say? Here’s a very small sample:
“Neopets is on its way to losing a lot of players, especially older players that have been loyal to the site for 3 or 4 years… I’m beginning to seriously consider adding Neopets to the list of sleazy companies such as Enron and Tyco.”
“The content is beyond questionable. Most of these sites are nothing but spam/scam sites. Neopets is compromising their COPPA standing, their standing with their members and their reputation as a family-friendly site… you made a serious mistake in thinking these ads would not get a negative reaction… It’s just a shame a great site like Neopets has to suffer and possibly fail because of your short-sightedness.”
“I’ve had to stop referring younger players to Neo because of the ads.”
“I [would] rather play a Flash game sponsored by Disney than see an animation on the page [which is] slowing down… my modem.”
“There is no way the company needs this money that badly.”
“Neopets was a place we trusted. We trusted our children would have a good, safe time there. We trusted that anyone visiting the site would enjoy themselves [without having] to do anti-virus and spyware scans after visiting the site and [having to] monitor our children to ensure that they are not clicking any of these ads as well as trying to keep them from seeing some of the truly inappropriate ones… shame on you.”
Whatever happened to your commitment to immersive advertising? To quote your own press kit:
“This new integrated advertising method incorporates the advertiser's brand, service and/or message directly into entertaining site content, thereby creating brand affinity with site members, rather than brand rejection that can result from offensive pop-ups and banners.”
Neopets, Inc. needs to remove the bottom ads altogether, and target the top ads towards their audience.
Project Pillsbury will be contacting Neopets’ sponsor corporations and the news media regarding the advertisements.

Sincerely,
Caroline X
Coordinator, “Project Pillsbury”

Dear ,

I am writing you concerning your company’s sponsorship of Neopets.com. I’ve been playing Neopets for over 3 years, and I’ve come to know quite a bit about the site and the way it is run. Neopets, as you know, uses a technology called “immersive advertising,” which places their sponsors’ products into games and features on the site. This system is good for you because it is more effective than traditional banner advertising, and it is good for the players because it doesn’t disrupt our Neopets experience.
Recently, however, Neopets went from relying solely on immersive advertising to placing not one but two large banners on nearly every page. At the top is a 728x40px banner, and at the bottom is an additional large advertisement. These ads are not targeted towards Neopets’ audience; many are for scam sites, and some include content (such as references to sex and pregnancy) that Neopets users can be punished for mentioning.
Neopets is losing players due to these ads. Parents don’t want their children to view their contents. Additionally, the ads slow down players’ connections and place spyware on their computers. Worse, Neopets promised many times never to have banners and pop-up ads on their site.
Your company should not support this. Neopets is devaluing your investment as a sponsor by displaying the ads. Now, I’m only 13, but if I were in charge of a company, I wouldn’t want to advertise with a company that mistreated and lied to its customers. It doesn’t shed a good light on your corporation to have your logo right below an ad for “generic Viagra”… and this is supposed to be a children’s’ site!
I’ll provide you with a very small sample of the comments written to Project Pillsbury, a 1000+-signature petition with the goal of having the bottom advertisement removed:
“Neopets is on its way to losing a lot of players, especially older players that have been loyal to the site for 3 or 4 years… I’m beginning to seriously consider adding Neopets to the list of sleazy companies such as Enron and Tyco.”
“The content is beyond questionable. Most of these sites are nothing but spam/scam sites. Neopets is compromising their COPPA standing, their standing with their members and their reputation as a family-friendly site… you made a serious mistake in thinking these ads would not get a negative reaction… It’s just a shame a great site like Neopets has to suffer and possibly fail because of your short-sightedness.”
“I’ve had to stop referring younger players to Neo because of the ads.”
“I [would] rather play a Flash game sponsored by Disney than see an animation on the page [which is] slowing down… my modem.”
“There is no way the company needs this money that badly.”
“Neopets was a place we trusted. We trusted our children would have a good, safe time there. We trusted that anyone visiting the site would enjoy themselves [without having] to do anti-virus and spyware scans after visiting the site and [having to] monitor our children to ensure that they are not clicking any of these ads as well as trying to keep them from seeing some of the truly inappropriate ones… shame on you.”
Neopets is working against the interests of its players and sponsors, and thus hurting itself. On behalf of the players of Neopets.com, I ask you to tell Neopets, Inc. to remove the bottom ads and target the top ones towards their audience. If they refuse, inform them that they will lose your sponsorship. The removal and targeting of the ads is in everyone’s best interest. We only need your help in getting Neopets to see this.

Sincerely,
Caroline X
Coordinator, “Project Pillsbury”

Hopefully we'll get these done pretty quickly and I can move on to sending them off!

[Trinity]

Those letters are wonderful, Nani! Mind if I send off a few?

[bex]

Just a few small suggestions, but otherwise those are VERY well written.

I would write out pixel rather than use px.

Instead of saying "That’s a whole lot, considering I’m a no-name 13-year-old" in the first letter, you may want to say "Considering I am a no-name 13-year-old, that number is exceedingly high."

Also, in the letter to neopets, you may want to include the bit about spyware, as well. Make sure they know about the bad sites they link to in their ads. Also, it may be good to include quotes in the letter to the media, or make it clear that you have these things available, if they need them.

Otherwise those are fantastic letters.

[IcyBlue]

It may be a tad more effective to send your Neopets letter to Neopets with threats that your other letters will be sent to the media and sponsors in coming weeks It's not very fair for them to have to go through another silly media scandal like before, because no matter what, the media will twist it around, no matter your intention. It'd probably end up hurting TNT more with the bad media than if they kept the ads up like you've mentioned.

Very well thought out letters and an excellent job for doing them

[Butterflyhornet]

I think the first letter has a nice charm to it. It effectivly states the problem, and what you would like changed without sounding too angry. The second and possibly third letter loses somewhat in tone, because it starts to sound more like a complaint or cry. The last half of the first letter may need revision because it may be interpeted to imply that you're backing down and could be discredited because you are only a 13 year old.

For the quotations you may want to look up MLA format or something like that so you can effectivly note the source of the quote and the web page/magazine, etc where you found it. It will help bring validity to your preposial.

I see you do have a quote, but it does need to be cited.

Just my thoughts. Other than that, they sound very good.

[Nani]

For the quotations you may want to look up MLA format or something like that so you can effectivly note the source of the quote and the web page/magazine, etc where you found it. It will help bring validity to your preposial.

I see you do have a quote, but it does need to be cited.

Just my thoughts. Other than that, they sound very good.

I was thinking about citing the press kit quote, but I figured it might look like I was overdoing it. All the rest are just from the petition, and I don't know if there's even a way to properly cite those. I'm still deciding about the press kit one however.

Winter, that was the effect it was written to have. I'm not sure if it's clear enough, so maybe I'll go back over it and unveil the threat a bit.

Thanks for the comments! I'll definitely take them into consideration and do some revision this afternoon.

Trinity, if you have stamps, I'll give you a mailing list...