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 Post subject: Mental Health Hotline.....
PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:40 am 
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press since no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem. Please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.”


It's a smart duck....watch it do math..........o.0

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 2:21 am 
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Pretty funny, though bipolar disorder and manic-depressive disorder are the same thing. The best one was the short-term emory loss, in my opinion.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 7:01 am 
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Funny...but not...Funny!!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 10:16 am 
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What about if you're a hypochondriac?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:49 pm 
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O_o a hypo what?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:50 pm 
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Press star until it hurts.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:51 pm 
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Location: Inside my head. O_O
O_o

What about if you can't stop listening to blink182?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 2:54 am 
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I'm not sure if that counts as a disorder....


It's a smart duck....watch it do math..........o.0

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 3:02 am 
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I like the short term memory one. In HK, if we press 9 three times, we get connected to the police station (like, an emergency number)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:22 am 
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Twitchy wrote:
O_o a hypo what?


Hypochondriac- someone who thinks they have every disease known to mankind- and then some.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:24 am 
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Wasn't there a disorder where a person thinks she's a tree? o_O

I wonder what that person would be told to do... :D


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:26 am 
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Mr. Darkside wrote:
Wasn't there a disorder where a person thinks she's a tree? o_O


No, seriously? Never heard of it. But wouldn't it be disturbing though if someone came up to you and go, "I'm a tree. Look at my leaves..." or SOMETHING like that.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:26 am 
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Mr. Darkside wrote:
Wasn't there a disorder where a person thinks she's a tree? o_O

I wonder what that person would be told to do... :D


Make like a tree and leave, I guess.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 2:29 pm 
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Twitchy wrote:
O_o

What about if you can't stop listening to blink182?


Fashion the phone cord into a noose.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 2:34 pm 
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_jaye_ wrote:
Mr. Darkside wrote:
Wasn't there a disorder where a person thinks she's a tree? o_O


No, seriously? Never heard of it. But wouldn't it be disturbing though if someone came up to you and go, "I'm a tree. Look at my leaves..." or SOMETHING like that.


No, I heard of this person with mental problems, and she thought that she was a tree. Basically, she didn't even move. She just...stood liveless. She did
get some help after her relatives noticed it, after they had not seen her for a long time.

I think she wrote a book about her life, not sure. Maybe not.

But anyway, the joke is pretty funny. :)


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