Health & Fitness - The facts
Fri Oct 15, 2004 2:27 pm
I got this in an email, so cant claim credit for it, but still made my day!lol
Some great advice for us all!
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than
an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - champagne in one hand strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!
Some great advice for us all!
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than
an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - champagne in one hand strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!
Fri Oct 15, 2004 2:35 pm
Lol! 
Very clever and exceedingly amusing. I particularly liked this:
Very clever and exceedingly amusing. I particularly liked this:
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Fri Oct 15, 2004 3:04 pm
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
lol, That cracked me up
Those were all great... I have to send it to my parents... They always drive me crazy about trying to be more healthy.
Fri Oct 15, 2004 7:00 pm
Gahhh!!!! It burns! It burns!
(I'm an Excercise Physiology major.)
Oh the humanity! When will it end...
(I'm an Excercise Physiology major.)
Oh the humanity! When will it end...
Sat Oct 16, 2004 4:19 am
The last two I think were the best!
Re: Health & Fitness - The facts
Sat Oct 16, 2004 8:55 am
xjox wrote:remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - champagne in one hand strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!
thats my kinda philosophy! 
oh those are funny, i like the swimming bit and wahles, because thats what parents what me to do, one problem, i can't swim. so they want me to take classes, i think i'll show this to them...
Sun Oct 17, 2004 1:56 pm
"Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - champagne in one hand strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!
that is great, I love it!
Mon Oct 18, 2004 1:40 am
HAHAHA!
Oh my...I'm prinitng those out and hanging them in my locker! Truly priceless.
*cracks up again*
Oh my...I'm prinitng those out and hanging them in my locker! Truly priceless.
*cracks up again*
Mon Oct 18, 2004 4:18 am
My motto :
Eat Well
Exercise Daily
Stay Healthy
...
Die Anyway
Eat Well
Exercise Daily
Stay Healthy
...
Die Anyway
Mon Oct 18, 2004 7:36 pm
the_dog_god wrote:My motto :
Eat Well
Exercise Daily
Stay Healthy
...
Die Anyway
Gosh how depressing! Hehe
xjox wrote:Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me
Heheheheheheh, that's hilarious!