Mental Health Hotline.....
Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:40 am
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press since no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem. Please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.”
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press since no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem. Please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.”
Thu Aug 12, 2004 2:21 am
Pretty funny, though bipolar disorder and manic-depressive disorder are the same thing. The best one was the short-term emory loss, in my opinion.
Thu Aug 12, 2004 7:01 am
Funny...but not...Funny!!!
Thu Aug 12, 2004 10:16 am
What about if you're a hypochondriac?
Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:49 pm
O_o a hypo what?
Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:50 pm
Press star until it hurts.
Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:51 pm
O_o
What about if you can't stop listening to blink182?
What about if you can't stop listening to blink182?
Fri Aug 13, 2004 2:54 am
I'm not sure if that counts as a disorder....
Fri Aug 13, 2004 3:02 am
I like the short term memory one. In HK, if we press 9 three times, we get connected to the police station (like, an emergency number)
Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:22 am
Twitchy wrote:O_o a hypo what?
Hypochondriac- someone who thinks they have every disease known to mankind- and then some.
Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:24 am
Wasn't there a disorder where a person thinks she's a tree? 
I wonder what that person would be told to do...
I wonder what that person would be told to do...
Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:26 am
Mr. Darkside wrote:Wasn't there a disorder where a person thinks she's a tree?
No, seriously? Never heard of it. But wouldn't it be disturbing though if someone came up to you and go, "I'm a tree. Look at my leaves..." or SOMETHING like that.
Fri Aug 13, 2004 6:26 am
Mr. Darkside wrote:Wasn't there a disorder where a person thinks she's a tree?
I wonder what that person would be told to do...
Make like a tree and leave, I guess.
Fri Aug 13, 2004 2:29 pm
Twitchy wrote:O_o
What about if you can't stop listening to blink182?
Fashion the phone cord into a noose.
Fri Aug 13, 2004 2:34 pm
_jaye_ wrote:Mr. Darkside wrote:Wasn't there a disorder where a person thinks she's a tree?
No, seriously? Never heard of it. But wouldn't it be disturbing though if someone came up to you and go, "I'm a tree. Look at my leaves..." or SOMETHING like that.
No, I heard of this person with mental problems, and she thought that she was a tree. Basically, she didn't even move. She just...stood liveless. She did
get some help after her relatives noticed it, after they had not seen her for a long time.
I think she wrote a book about her life, not sure. Maybe not.
But anyway, the joke is pretty funny.
