College Quotes 7
Sun Aug 01, 2004 11:45 pm
More college quotes!! Yay!! Here are another three categories for you to enjoy. Some have been edited, but most have been left alone.
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Police Encounters
10-4. Some college students do tend to get in trouble with the law. <static> It seems that they do not care about their education. If it were not for these quotes the subject would not be funny at all. Over.
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Amanda: Yo if the cops come, I'm gonna hide behind the couch.
Malissa: The couch?!
Amanda: Yeah yo, if the cops come they're gonna be too busy arresting you to look behind the couch.
Officer Winski: If I have to come out here one more time tonight...
Sierra (interrupts): Could you bring more beer?
-The third time the cops were called to a house party
Cop: Do you have ID son?
JN: Nope.
Cop: No wallet or driver's license?
JN: Nope.
Cop: Okay empty your pockets. What is this?? A wallet?! I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR LICENSE.
JN: Ohhhh yes I definitely lied to you.
Police officer: Get out of the truck.
Amy: I am WAY to drunk for that, you get in.
-Amy, before receiving a DUI
"Oh I'm sorry, miss...I thought you were talking to that dumpster."
-Campus police officer to Courtney while she was yelling up to a dorm window
Police officer: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Jasmine: No....but I bet you were going just as fast to catch me!
Police officer: Why are you speeding?
Matt: Well I'm running late 'cause the police officer down the road gave me a ticket for speeding.
"Help. They're after me. I don't know how much longer I can stay here before they see me."
-Alex, using an emergency outdoor telephone to warn police that the police were chasing him
Police officer: Pour that beer out.
Liz: (Pours out beer.)
Police officer: And the other.
Liz: (Pours out the second.)
Police officer: And the other.
Liz: (Pours out the third.)
Police officer: It hurts doesn't it.
"Sorry occifer...I crossed the street cause I couldn't read the sign. I'm lesdixic, you know...AND BLIND! That's a lovely looking gun by the way.
-Tom, toying with the law
Police officer: How's it going?
Jamie: Oh, pretty good. Just killed a guy.
"There's no blood in my alcohol occifer."
-Melinda, drunk on campus
Eric: Would you stop spraying me with mace?!
Police officer: Would you stop tearing down light poles?!
Eric: No.
Police officer: Well then...
-As the officer got even closer and sprayed more mace during the VEISHEA Riot
"Hey, if I lay down, will you line me in chalk?"
-Katie, to the cops as they busted her party
John: I'm so sorry sir I only drank five I swear here is my driver's license, my insurance papers, my gun, all the whiskey I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
Police officer: Do you realize your left tail light is out?
Police officer: You have two options. You can dump out your drinks and go, or I can write you a ticket and THEN you can dump out your drinks and go.
Josh: Could you explain option #1 in more detail? YOU GUYS! Listen up!! I wanna make sure we're not committing to something too early.
-Josh, drunk on campus with friends
"Well, if the cop would have pulled out his night stick it would have been a senseless beating for being senseless."
-Adam, after peeing on a police car
Police officer: I have been waiting all day to catch you.
Jacob: I got here as fast as I can.
-After getting pulled over for speeding
Ricky: Dude, what would you do if the cop gave you a breathalyzer?
Kate: Well, I wouldn't breathe!
Ryan: BRILLIANT!!
-Driving home from a party
"Tell 'em your in the pokey!"
-Police officer in the background as Jeff made his one phone call after being arrested for underage drinking
"I wish you would have gotten hit."
-Campus bike Cop, lecturing a student for jaywalking
Neil: I guess it's nice to get an easy arrest once in a while.
Police officer: Naw it's way more fun when they resist arrest and get all out of control. Using force is fun.
-While wearing cuffs in the back of a cruiser
"Hey, get off my car!"
-A police officer, after Matt and his friends were arrested for underage drinking and told to stand in front of the patrol car while the officer used the radio
"Why doesn't someone call the cops and see if they're coming?"
-Meghan M., responding to worries that the cops might try to break up a loud house party
Kerry: Occifer, I'm not as drunk as I think you am.
Police officer: How many have you had son?
Kerry: One....GALLON! PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY! OINK OINK!!
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Striking Revelations
'Nough said.
----------------------------------------
"You know, being pepper sprayed is kinda like getting turned down by the great-looking girl. No wait, that's what happened when I got turned down by the great-looking girl."
-Drake
WOAH! I had three trains of thought and they all just collided."
-Susan
Lee: Wow, you actually got something for yourself!
Bobby: Well, you stopped responding to "Get in the kitchen and make me some food!”
Bobby: If I had a dime for everytime you've said that to me...
Lee: ...then you'd have a dime.
"Mental note to self: I have a good memory."
-Eimear C.
Joann: Starlight, starbright, first star I see tonight...
Aaron: You can stop right there. It's not going to happen.
Joann: Why not?
Aaron: Because that's Mars.
Joann:
-During a night walk
"Our key's are lazy. They don't get lost like other keys, they just sit on the couch."
-Ryan, after finding his keys for the on the couch for the fourth time in four days
It smells like birthday.
-John, after someone lit a candle
"It's not right. It's anti-right. It's like....wrong!"
-Kris
Sleep Talking
College students don't get much sleep, and when they do get it, they still can't shut up!
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"You're going to start something on fire! I'm so glad I have my chapstick..."
-Allison, sleep-talking while her roommate was throwing garbage away
"No, I really don't think it washes in pumpkin."
-Bo, sleep-talking about who knows what
"What on earth are you going to do with 20 slices of pizza? Okay, stop...don't come any closer."
-Jenn, sleep-talking
"Joe, what would you do if I burned you? Huh?"
-Rob, sleep-talking junk about his roommate
"Watch dem fish. Go on, they just fish. Watch 'em."
-Ben, sleep-talking
"The monkeys are going to Mexico..."
-Liz, sleep-talking in a hotel near the beach
"Watch out for that, BISCUIT NOOOOO!!"
-Katie, sleep-talking
"We can blame all of our problems on martial arts, that's right, all of them."
-Sean, sleep-talking to his roommate
"And the third time, the pizza was upside down."
-Megan, sleep-talking
"You, well you are the communist of pizza."
-Bill, sleep-talking
"Gotcha!!"
-Erin, sleep-talking to her snooze button
"I'm so hungry my stomach is about to eat my other stomach."
-Rex, sleep-talking
"Because I am a banana banana banana banana spoon."
-Radha, sleep-talking
Jessica: Sarah, can I kill you?
Sarah: What?!
Jessica: I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to my sandwich.... But you're in it.
-Jessica, sleep-talking
"Call the government! Wild ovens are invading Portugal as we speak."
-Kate, sleep-talking
"I'm sorry, I'm new to this planet."
-Anthony, sleep-talking
"She's brute, she's brute, is that enough for your soup?"
-Shaun, sleep-talking
---------------------------------
Just so you know; I have one or two more batches of college quotes to be posted in the coming weeks. The good news is that as long as there are college students, we will have great quotes such as these. Which means that there will always be new college quotes to post. The bad news is that I may only be able to post them once a month. I'm glad you all have been enjoying these as I've been.
************************
Police Encounters
10-4. Some college students do tend to get in trouble with the law. <static> It seems that they do not care about their education. If it were not for these quotes the subject would not be funny at all. Over.
---------------------------------
Amanda: Yo if the cops come, I'm gonna hide behind the couch.
Malissa: The couch?!
Amanda: Yeah yo, if the cops come they're gonna be too busy arresting you to look behind the couch.
Officer Winski: If I have to come out here one more time tonight...
Sierra (interrupts): Could you bring more beer?
-The third time the cops were called to a house party
Cop: Do you have ID son?
JN: Nope.
Cop: No wallet or driver's license?
JN: Nope.
Cop: Okay empty your pockets. What is this?? A wallet?! I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR LICENSE.
JN: Ohhhh yes I definitely lied to you.
Police officer: Get out of the truck.
Amy: I am WAY to drunk for that, you get in.
-Amy, before receiving a DUI
"Oh I'm sorry, miss...I thought you were talking to that dumpster."
-Campus police officer to Courtney while she was yelling up to a dorm window
Police officer: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Jasmine: No....but I bet you were going just as fast to catch me!
Police officer: Why are you speeding?
Matt: Well I'm running late 'cause the police officer down the road gave me a ticket for speeding.
"Help. They're after me. I don't know how much longer I can stay here before they see me."
-Alex, using an emergency outdoor telephone to warn police that the police were chasing him
Police officer: Pour that beer out.
Liz: (Pours out beer.)
Police officer: And the other.
Liz: (Pours out the second.)
Police officer: And the other.
Liz: (Pours out the third.)
Police officer: It hurts doesn't it.
"Sorry occifer...I crossed the street cause I couldn't read the sign. I'm lesdixic, you know...AND BLIND! That's a lovely looking gun by the way.
-Tom, toying with the law
Police officer: How's it going?
Jamie: Oh, pretty good. Just killed a guy.
"There's no blood in my alcohol occifer."
-Melinda, drunk on campus
Eric: Would you stop spraying me with mace?!
Police officer: Would you stop tearing down light poles?!
Eric: No.
Police officer: Well then...
-As the officer got even closer and sprayed more mace during the VEISHEA Riot
"Hey, if I lay down, will you line me in chalk?"
-Katie, to the cops as they busted her party
John: I'm so sorry sir I only drank five I swear here is my driver's license, my insurance papers, my gun, all the whiskey I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
Police officer: Do you realize your left tail light is out?
Police officer: You have two options. You can dump out your drinks and go, or I can write you a ticket and THEN you can dump out your drinks and go.
Josh: Could you explain option #1 in more detail? YOU GUYS! Listen up!! I wanna make sure we're not committing to something too early.
-Josh, drunk on campus with friends
"Well, if the cop would have pulled out his night stick it would have been a senseless beating for being senseless."
-Adam, after peeing on a police car
Police officer: I have been waiting all day to catch you.
Jacob: I got here as fast as I can.
-After getting pulled over for speeding
Ricky: Dude, what would you do if the cop gave you a breathalyzer?
Kate: Well, I wouldn't breathe!
Ryan: BRILLIANT!!
-Driving home from a party
"Tell 'em your in the pokey!"
-Police officer in the background as Jeff made his one phone call after being arrested for underage drinking
"I wish you would have gotten hit."
-Campus bike Cop, lecturing a student for jaywalking
Neil: I guess it's nice to get an easy arrest once in a while.
Police officer: Naw it's way more fun when they resist arrest and get all out of control. Using force is fun.
-While wearing cuffs in the back of a cruiser
"Hey, get off my car!"
-A police officer, after Matt and his friends were arrested for underage drinking and told to stand in front of the patrol car while the officer used the radio
"Why doesn't someone call the cops and see if they're coming?"
-Meghan M., responding to worries that the cops might try to break up a loud house party
Kerry: Occifer, I'm not as drunk as I think you am.
Police officer: How many have you had son?
Kerry: One....GALLON! PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY! OINK OINK!!
---------------------------------------
Striking Revelations
'Nough said.
----------------------------------------
"You know, being pepper sprayed is kinda like getting turned down by the great-looking girl. No wait, that's what happened when I got turned down by the great-looking girl."
-Drake
WOAH! I had three trains of thought and they all just collided."
-Susan
Lee: Wow, you actually got something for yourself!
Bobby: Well, you stopped responding to "Get in the kitchen and make me some food!”
Bobby: If I had a dime for everytime you've said that to me...
Lee: ...then you'd have a dime.
"Mental note to self: I have a good memory."
-Eimear C.
Joann: Starlight, starbright, first star I see tonight...
Aaron: You can stop right there. It's not going to happen.
Joann: Why not?
Aaron: Because that's Mars.
Joann:
-During a night walk
"Our key's are lazy. They don't get lost like other keys, they just sit on the couch."
-Ryan, after finding his keys for the on the couch for the fourth time in four days
It smells like birthday.
-John, after someone lit a candle
"It's not right. It's anti-right. It's like....wrong!"
-Kris
Sleep Talking
College students don't get much sleep, and when they do get it, they still can't shut up!
------------------------------------
"You're going to start something on fire! I'm so glad I have my chapstick..."
-Allison, sleep-talking while her roommate was throwing garbage away
"No, I really don't think it washes in pumpkin."
-Bo, sleep-talking about who knows what
"What on earth are you going to do with 20 slices of pizza? Okay, stop...don't come any closer."
-Jenn, sleep-talking
"Joe, what would you do if I burned you? Huh?"
-Rob, sleep-talking junk about his roommate
"Watch dem fish. Go on, they just fish. Watch 'em."
-Ben, sleep-talking
"The monkeys are going to Mexico..."
-Liz, sleep-talking in a hotel near the beach
"Watch out for that, BISCUIT NOOOOO!!"
-Katie, sleep-talking
"We can blame all of our problems on martial arts, that's right, all of them."
-Sean, sleep-talking to his roommate
"And the third time, the pizza was upside down."
-Megan, sleep-talking
"You, well you are the communist of pizza."
-Bill, sleep-talking
"Gotcha!!"
-Erin, sleep-talking to her snooze button
"I'm so hungry my stomach is about to eat my other stomach."
-Rex, sleep-talking
"Because I am a banana banana banana banana spoon."
-Radha, sleep-talking
Jessica: Sarah, can I kill you?
Sarah: What?!
Jessica: I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to my sandwich.... But you're in it.
-Jessica, sleep-talking
"Call the government! Wild ovens are invading Portugal as we speak."
-Kate, sleep-talking
"I'm sorry, I'm new to this planet."
-Anthony, sleep-talking
"She's brute, she's brute, is that enough for your soup?"
-Shaun, sleep-talking
---------------------------------
Just so you know; I have one or two more batches of college quotes to be posted in the coming weeks. The good news is that as long as there are college students, we will have great quotes such as these. Which means that there will always be new college quotes to post. The bad news is that I may only be able to post them once a month. I'm glad you all have been enjoying these as I've been.
Mon Aug 02, 2004 1:47 am
(OoOOooo, I'm first to post!)
John: I'm so sorry sir I only drank five I swear here is my driver's license, my insurance papers, my gun, all the whiskey I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
Police officer: Do you realize your left tail light is out?
That reminds me of something I would do! XD
"Watch out for that, BISCUIT NOOOOO!!"
-Katie, sleep-talking
That reminds me of my friend.
The Sleep Talking quotes are soo funny!
"You, well you are the communist of pizza."
-Bill, sleep-talking
Lol. XD
John: I'm so sorry sir I only drank five I swear here is my driver's license, my insurance papers, my gun, all the whiskey I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
Police officer: Do you realize your left tail light is out?
That reminds me of something I would do! XD
"Watch out for that, BISCUIT NOOOOO!!"
-Katie, sleep-talking
That reminds me of my friend.
The Sleep Talking quotes are soo funny!
"You, well you are the communist of pizza."
-Bill, sleep-talking
Lol. XD
Mon Aug 02, 2004 9:22 am
Wow you have really good quotes! I love the sleep talking bit the most in this topic 
Way to go!
Way to go!
Mon Aug 02, 2004 2:51 pm
I've noticed that a lot of the sleep talking quotes are about pizza...
Tue Aug 03, 2004 7:58 am
Oh my I laughed so hard at all of them 
Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:29 pm
Oooh good topic!
Let me add my own:
Me sleep talking: WoooOOOooow...
My roommate the next morning: What WERE you dreaming about last night?
Yes this did happen.
Let me add my own:
Me sleep talking: WoooOOOooow...
My roommate the next morning: What WERE you dreaming about last night?
Yes this did happen.
Wed Aug 04, 2004 9:43 pm
Save tree, blow off a term paper.
Thu Aug 05, 2004 1:06 am
My friend sleep talking was the worst:
"The mayo... IT'S IN THE AD BUILDING!!!"
-Chris, sleep talking at summer camp
"The mayo... IT'S IN THE AD BUILDING!!!"
-Chris, sleep talking at summer camp
Fri Aug 06, 2004 3:09 pm
It was soooooo funny!
Especially this one!
"Call the government! Wild ovens are invading Portugal as we speak."
-Kate, sleep-talking
Sun Aug 08, 2004 12:03 am
wanna know what happened to the last drunk driving idiot my dad met?
well lemme put it this way, sports cars and 40 foot articulated lorrys dont go together so well.
still, they got the car out of the road EVENTUALLY.
well lemme put it this way, sports cars and 40 foot articulated lorrys dont go together so well.
still, they got the car out of the road EVENTUALLY.
Thu Aug 12, 2004 10:24 am
Hehehe... I like the sleep-talking ones. 
At least I don't sleeptalk... but that WOULD explain a lot if I do... like how my sister used to laugh at me when I woke up...
At least I don't sleeptalk... but that WOULD explain a lot if I do... like how my sister used to laugh at me when I woke up...
Thu Aug 12, 2004 1:46 pm
Amethyst wrote:I've noticed that a lot of the sleep talking quotes are about pizza...
Hm.. I noticed that too...
I sleep talk all the time.. When my friends sleep over they tell me what I said. I also snore really loud. I once heard my mom sleep talking but she was mumbling. It freaked me out...
Sat Aug 14, 2004 10:24 pm
Hehehe these crack me up! The most interesting thing I've ever said in my sleep is "hmrrppmmmm....CHAIR"
Once when my friend was sleeping at mine she had an arguement with me in her sleep. Seriously.
Friend: "Noooo Helen! No!
Me: Wah?!
Friend: You can't do that!
Me: What have I done?! I'm only trying to sleep!
Friend: *mumbles incoherently*
Friend 2: H, she's asleep.....
Everyone at my sleepover:
I'm pwned by malaman......
Once when my friend was sleeping at mine she had an arguement with me in her sleep. Seriously.
Friend: "Noooo Helen! No!
Me: Wah?!
Friend: You can't do that!
Me: What have I done?! I'm only trying to sleep!
Friend: *mumbles incoherently*
Friend 2: H, she's asleep.....
Everyone at my sleepover:
I'm pwned by malaman......
Sat Aug 14, 2004 11:29 pm
Hahaha I always love reading these. My college friends never say anything funny 
. Well if they do, I certainly don't remember them
. Well if they do, I certainly don't remember them