Did you hear the one about the sidewalk?

[calicokittyqueen2222]

It's all over town!







got any others?

[DMSyde]

Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

How about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods? Dumped his girlfriend?

OR, MY FAVORITE (Very long)

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.
The job was only so-so anyhow.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

I tried looking for gold, but it didn't pan out.

I tried to make the plump ladies see the error of their weighs.

I used to be a banker, but lost interest in the work.

I used to be a baker, but I didn't make enough dough.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a blackjack host, but was offered a better deal.

I used to work for Budweiser, but then I got canned.

I used to be a butler, but found the work wasn't my cup of tea.

I used to be a carpenter, but then I got bored.

I used to be a fisherman, but I got caught playing hooky.

I used to work for H&R Block, but it was just too taxing.

I used to be a hotel clerk, but then I had reservations.

I used to be a nun, but I got expelled because of my dirty habits.

I used to be a marathon runner, but couldn't stand the agony of de feet.

I used to be a mime, but talked myself out of it.

I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn't trained.

I used to be a road digger, but I got re-trenched.

I used to be a sanitation engineer, but the city dumped me.

I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.

I used to be a shoe salesman, till they gave me the boot.

I used to be a teacher, but found I didn't have enough class.

I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn't my racket.

I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn't in it.

I used to be a Velcro salesman, but couldn't stick with it.

I considered going into the ministry but I didn't have an altar ego.

I tried working in a bakery, but was told I wasn't "bread" for it.

I thought becoming a candle maker, but I wasn't sure wick end was up.

I wanted to be a stenographer, but they told me they are not short-handed at the moment.

[AFI_Sorrow]

I LOVE corny jokes.

My favorite= Courdory pillows, they're making headlines!

[DM was on fire!]

Damien - Those are good. oO

My favourite is...do you wanna hear a dirty joke?
OK. The white horse fell in the mud.