40 Things That can only happen in movies
Sat Sep 24, 2005 11:44 pm
1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.
21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.
27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.
29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).
30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
35. (I didn't get this one)
36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.
21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.
27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.
29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).
30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
35. (I didn't get this one)
36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).
Sun Sep 25, 2005 12:15 am
Haha. That is hilarious, especially numbers 6, 7 and 19.
Sun Sep 25, 2005 4:18 am
I love lists like that 
That one is hilarious! I love #17
That one is hilarious! I love #17
Sun Sep 25, 2005 9:21 am
some one has toooo much free time..... 
i love the list anyways! the whole thing rocks!
i love the list anyways! the whole thing rocks!
Sun Sep 25, 2005 10:03 am
superscreamer1992 wrote:some one has toooo much free time.....
No, no I didn't make the list! I got off my friends... LOL
Sun Sep 25, 2005 10:21 am
dargonz wrote:superscreamer1992 wrote:some one has toooo much free time.....
ahh...still, its funny!!
Sun Sep 25, 2005 1:07 pm
I have a couple to add,
41. all bombs have timer, even if they aren't timed
42. When a car crashes there will be five hubcaps instead of four
41. all bombs have timer, even if they aren't timed
42. When a car crashes there will be five hubcaps instead of four
Sun Sep 25, 2005 2:47 pm
#6 and #31 are brilliant... and can I add:
43. If you're chasing someone in a hotel, you'll always pass trough the kitchens.
43. If you're chasing someone in a hotel, you'll always pass trough the kitchens.
Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:41 pm
44. If a woman is attacked in her house, she will almost always defend herself with a frying pan/ pot.
Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:31 am
Villians almost always give a long speech or an evil laugh.
No one ever has to go to the bathroom.
Sometimes people don't actually need to eat, just holding a fork and talking seems to be enough for some.
Parents always show up when kids are having a wild party. The house is always trashed, there is almost always a pizza laying out and something will be put into the houseplants.
There is always an Arabian type person working the 7-11. If anyone needs gas they always go to 7-11.
There are old men playing checkers outside of stores. Or if it isn't a store then they are outside of a barbershop.
Whenever they need extras there is usually an old lady with a walker, a mom and baby in a stroller, and a kid walking by with a balloon.
There are never any fat people at the beach and everyone has a tan.
Old people love Matlock. If old people are watching Tv, it is Matlock.
Bubblegum can fix ANYTHING!
Some people have squeaky shoes. Or shoes squeak when people are trying to tiptoe.
Stairs always have a creaky stair.
If people are fishing they always wear tan, waders, and have a hat with loads of flies on them and loads of gear and equipment.
But if they get into an accident, the lose everything they have, except for maybe a pocket knife.
If people in the movies go to a ballgame, they always have a front row seat and a great veiw. No matter what, they can shout to someone in the game and they will see them and hear them. "Hey Mom!"
Everyone from Arkansas lives in a trailer, has no teeth, poor grooming, and goes barefoot. Men wear sleeveless plaid shirts and chew tobacco, or have it in their back pocket. Women are fat or trashy and there is a dirty kid running around in their diaper, with peanut butter and jelly smeared all over them, in the background. And the front yard is never mowed. And there is a rusty vehicle up on blocks in the front yard, garbage piled up everywhere, and about ten dogs and cats laying around. Everyone lives like this in the whole state. People eat road kill or possums or something.
It is hunting season all year long.
If people go camping they always have to eat beans. Everyone is afraid of bears attacking, and they always do attack. People can usually always find nuts and berries and roots to eat if they are lost. There is always a cave for someone in the woods to find shelter in. OR a hollow tree.
Everyone has an afgan and throw pillows on their couch, especially if it is an ugly couch.
The house is always spotless.
If people have cats in the movies, you never see the litter box. Almost all animals are housebroken, but if they have an accident, it will certainly be on someone's shoes.
Grandmothers always make cookies and cakes. Most Grandmothers are very nice and full of wisdom. Other old people are funny or crabby, but we usually love them and there is something they can teach us. Grandmothers always have a farm or live in the country.
In the movies I've noticed that even the poorest people seem to have an full set of encyclopedias on the wall, or a game room, or a computer room.
Closets are always very big! People can hide in them, no one would ever think of looking there.
People always know the mailman or woman and have little conversations with them about personal things.
If people get a letter from Ed Mcman, they will always enter the lottery and win.
No one ever has to go to the bathroom.
Sometimes people don't actually need to eat, just holding a fork and talking seems to be enough for some.
Parents always show up when kids are having a wild party. The house is always trashed, there is almost always a pizza laying out and something will be put into the houseplants.
There is always an Arabian type person working the 7-11. If anyone needs gas they always go to 7-11.
There are old men playing checkers outside of stores. Or if it isn't a store then they are outside of a barbershop.
Whenever they need extras there is usually an old lady with a walker, a mom and baby in a stroller, and a kid walking by with a balloon.
There are never any fat people at the beach and everyone has a tan.
Old people love Matlock. If old people are watching Tv, it is Matlock.
Bubblegum can fix ANYTHING!
Some people have squeaky shoes. Or shoes squeak when people are trying to tiptoe.
Stairs always have a creaky stair.
If people are fishing they always wear tan, waders, and have a hat with loads of flies on them and loads of gear and equipment.
But if they get into an accident, the lose everything they have, except for maybe a pocket knife.
If people in the movies go to a ballgame, they always have a front row seat and a great veiw. No matter what, they can shout to someone in the game and they will see them and hear them. "Hey Mom!"
Everyone from Arkansas lives in a trailer, has no teeth, poor grooming, and goes barefoot. Men wear sleeveless plaid shirts and chew tobacco, or have it in their back pocket. Women are fat or trashy and there is a dirty kid running around in their diaper, with peanut butter and jelly smeared all over them, in the background. And the front yard is never mowed. And there is a rusty vehicle up on blocks in the front yard, garbage piled up everywhere, and about ten dogs and cats laying around. Everyone lives like this in the whole state. People eat road kill or possums or something.
It is hunting season all year long.
If people go camping they always have to eat beans. Everyone is afraid of bears attacking, and they always do attack. People can usually always find nuts and berries and roots to eat if they are lost. There is always a cave for someone in the woods to find shelter in. OR a hollow tree.
Everyone has an afgan and throw pillows on their couch, especially if it is an ugly couch.
The house is always spotless.
If people have cats in the movies, you never see the litter box. Almost all animals are housebroken, but if they have an accident, it will certainly be on someone's shoes.
Grandmothers always make cookies and cakes. Most Grandmothers are very nice and full of wisdom. Other old people are funny or crabby, but we usually love them and there is something they can teach us. Grandmothers always have a farm or live in the country.
In the movies I've noticed that even the poorest people seem to have an full set of encyclopedias on the wall, or a game room, or a computer room.
Closets are always very big! People can hide in them, no one would ever think of looking there.
People always know the mailman or woman and have little conversations with them about personal things.
If people get a letter from Ed Mcman, they will always enter the lottery and win.
Mon Sep 26, 2005 11:03 pm
Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:39 am
I loved 19.
Here's another
Flammeable or not, everything has the potential to explode
Tue Oct 04, 2005 10:44 am
Sound can be heard in outer space.
Wed Oct 05, 2005 1:36 am
XDD
These make me laugh. They need to go in my Workspace.
These make me laugh. They need to go in my Workspace.
Fri Oct 14, 2005 10:10 pm
No matter how poor a family is, every boy has a ps2 and the newest type of gameboy, unless of course it's before they were invented, then they always have a gameboy pocket