Funny jokes I found
Sun Jan 02, 2005 3:44 pm
I was looking on the net and I came across some jokes that I thought were funny so I had to post them.
P.S. no blonds were harmed in the making of these jokes........I hope.
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
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there are two blondes going for a walk when they come across some tracks the first blond says "hey look those are wolfe tracks" the second blonde says "no dumby those are deer tracks" five minutes later they get hit by a train!
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Where do pencils come from?
Pencilvania
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One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hours full of idiot drivers.
My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question."
"What do you want to know?" I responded.
"When you're driving," she asked, "are YOU ever the idiot?"
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A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing .. there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
P.S. no blonds were harmed in the making of these jokes........I hope.
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
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there are two blondes going for a walk when they come across some tracks the first blond says "hey look those are wolfe tracks" the second blonde says "no dumby those are deer tracks" five minutes later they get hit by a train!
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Where do pencils come from?
Pencilvania
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One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hours full of idiot drivers.
My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question."
"What do you want to know?" I responded.
"When you're driving," she asked, "are YOU ever the idiot?"
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A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing .. there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:32 pm
Hehe, the first one is better than all of them. I'll tell it to my friends when I go back to school. ^_^
Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:37 pm
Well, the first one is about New Jersey. And I must say, that's New Jerseians for you. 
*is a proud New Jerseian!*
The tracks one is pretty cute. I've heard it before, but it's cute nonetheless.
*is a proud New Jerseian!*
The tracks one is pretty cute. I've heard it before, but it's cute nonetheless.
Sun Jan 02, 2005 7:15 pm
thats cool when did ya get um 
Mon Jan 03, 2005 1:19 am
I LOVE the driving one. :-P
Mon Jan 03, 2005 4:43 am
answer for Tropicaldude14
I found them this morning on some joke site I can't member the name of right now.
I found them this morning on some joke site I can't member the name of right now.
Mon Jan 03, 2005 5:14 am
That reminds me of this one joke...
Two hunters where in the woods when one of them suddenly bent over.
"What's wrong?" one of the hunters asked his friend.
"I need to take a dump reeeeeaaaaal bad! And there's no toilet paper!"
"Well, when i go to the restroom in the woods, i usually use a dollar instead of paper" the first hunter replied.
The second hunter nodded, and went into the bushes. A couple minutes later, he came back with *guess. It's brown!* all over his hands.
"Geez! What happened?" The first hunter asked.
"Well, I didn't have a dollar, so I used four quarters!"
Two hunters where in the woods when one of them suddenly bent over.
"What's wrong?" one of the hunters asked his friend.
"I need to take a dump reeeeeaaaaal bad! And there's no toilet paper!"
"Well, when i go to the restroom in the woods, i usually use a dollar instead of paper" the first hunter replied.
The second hunter nodded, and went into the bushes. A couple minutes later, he came back with *guess. It's brown!* all over his hands.
"Geez! What happened?" The first hunter asked.
"Well, I didn't have a dollar, so I used four quarters!"
Mon Jan 03, 2005 5:17 am
Glad to know my joke made you think of that
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
Mon Jan 03, 2005 5:35 am
Lol, I've heard of all of them except for the third and fourth ...
Tue Jan 04, 2005 7:39 pm
sup storm this is you know who i am in 6th period and felt like typing you since i was on ppt and i saw u was the one who wrote this funny jokes 
