How to win any argument ... ever!
Fri Feb 02, 2007 2:04 pm
This is pretty funny. How to win any argument.
1. Drink liquor.
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about.
If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date.
But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
2. Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."
3. Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
"Let me put it this way.."
"In terms of..."
"Vis-a-vis..."
"Per se..."
"As it were..."
"Qua..."
"So to speak..."
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as: "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."
Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
4. Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
"You're begging the question."
"You're being defensive."
"Don't compare apples to oranges."
"What are your parameters?"
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. and don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.
You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.
5. Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."
1. Drink liquor.
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about.
If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date.
But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
2. Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."
3. Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
"Let me put it this way.."
"In terms of..."
"Vis-a-vis..."
"Per se..."
"As it were..."
"Qua..."
"So to speak..."
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as: "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."
Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
4. Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
"You're begging the question."
"You're being defensive."
"Don't compare apples to oranges."
"What are your parameters?"
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. and don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.
You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.
5. Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."
Fri Feb 02, 2007 2:17 pm
Four words.
"That's what you think"
Done, and done.
"That's what you think"
Done, and done.
Re: How to win any argument ... ever!
Fri Feb 02, 2007 2:43 pm
Kym wrote:5. Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."
It was fantastic until this- doing this would make you automatically lose the argument. Godwin's law, anyone?
Fri Feb 02, 2007 3:07 pm
I have found that the most effective way to win an argument is to say, "Well, you're welcome to sleep on the couch."
More often that's said to me, not by me, so I know how truly powerful it is.
More often that's said to me, not by me, so I know how truly powerful it is.
Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:15 pm
Fri Feb 02, 2007 8:13 pm
Just say "Hmm...you may be right about that." That lets the person think you agree, while you aren't really agreeing to anything.
Fri Feb 02, 2007 10:22 pm
http://www.pinkpt.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24402
So to speak, you certainly remind me of Adolf Hitler
So to speak, you certainly remind me of Adolf Hitler
Fri Feb 02, 2007 10:57 pm
Looking at that...a limited attention span obviously can't win you an argument either XP
Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:21 pm
HAH Ciwey tried all these things on me once and he actually shut me up for a bit.
Sat Feb 03, 2007 12:23 am
matchbow wrote:http://www.pinkpt.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24402
So to speak, you certainly remind me of Adolf Hitler
Oh...my...god.... no wonder it looked familiar!!! *embarrased*
Sat Feb 03, 2007 12:37 am
Anoohilator wrote:HAH Ciwey tried all these things on me once and he actually shut me up for a bit.
You can't compare apples and oranges! You wanted that turkey dead.
Sat Feb 03, 2007 1:40 am
matchbow wrote:http://www.pinkpt.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24402
So to speak, you certainly remind me of Adolf Hitler
Don't compare apples to oranges.
Sat Feb 03, 2007 6:02 am
Let me put it this way. In terms of forum efficiency, your reposting of a pre-existing topic, so to speak, will affect the general workload of a moderator per se.
And poor Tina the turkey.
And poor Tina the turkey.
Sat Feb 03, 2007 2:25 pm
Kym wrote:matchbow wrote:http://www.pinkpt.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24402
So to speak, you certainly remind me of Adolf Hitler
Oh...my...god.... no wonder it looked familiar!!! *embarrased*
And two words flash through your mind: Alzheimer's Disease
Sat Feb 03, 2007 2:27 pm
matchbow wrote:Kym wrote:matchbow wrote:http://www.pinkpt.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=24402
So to speak, you certainly remind me of Adolf Hitler
Oh...my...god.... no wonder it looked familiar!!! *embarrased*
And two words flash through your mind: Alzheimer's Disease
Very premature... but you never know. i'll be sure to keep an eye out for any other signs for you kym!