Anyone know where I can get some answering machine messages?

[The Wonder Weezel]

Hey, so it turns out, my cell phone has the EXACT same answering machine message on it that it did 3 years ago. Thats right, just over 3 years ago.... its my old girlfriend, sounding QUITE young saying "HEY! This is Weeze's PHONE! Leave a message, after the TONE!""

so, i want something new. Now, im a theater guy, and i might just do this one myself:
Hello. This is Weezel's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

however, this is my backup plan.

I was wondering if anybody could link me to some websites with funny answer machine messages on them that are downloable? not typed up anything... but something funny or extremely wierd that somebody pre-made and put up to download. anybody know where such a thing could be found?









EDIT: before this goes any further.... im posting this down here so people will notice.... does anybody have any links to a place where i can download messages?

Last edited by The Wonder Weezel on Wed May 11, 2005 11:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

[coming2atvnearu]

Usually I write songs for my machine and accompany myself on the ukulele.

A few memorable highlites

Thanks for calling me,
You've reached 542-1683
We can't come to the phone,
Leave your message after the tone.
Whoa-yeah.
*insert ukulele solo*

or my personal favourite.

Gee, golly gee. Someone called me.
And here I am wondering, a-who could it be?
You'll leave your name and number with any luck,
'Cuz if I can't call you back, well then you're *cue well timed, censoring answering machine beep*

[Twinkle]

Hehe, I love that last one!

My answer phone message at the moment is "Hello? Hello? Helloooooo? *pause* It's an answer phone stupid! Leave a message!"

The number of times I've caught people talking to my answering machine.... also I get messages of people talking to my answering machine.

[JellyFish72]

Hello. This is Weezel's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

Hitchhikers Guide!!! You should totally do that!

My favorite one is the refrigerator answering and sticking the message to itself with magnets. I had to do a different one for my cell phone, though, because I talk too fast.

[Sapphire Faerie]

Eh, I can't help you with any links, have you tried using a search engine? They work wonders you know ;P

I've always said that the No Doubt song "Spiderwebs" was specifically designed to be used on answering machines:

The chorus:
I'm walking into spiderwebs
So leave a message and I'll call you back
A likely story, but leave a message and I'll call you back

The bridge:
And it's all your fault
I screen my phone calls
No matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls

[Ski]

http://dedicated.goofball.com/goofball/ ... 404361.mp3
The best answering machine message ever!

[Hunter Lupe]

http://dedicated.goofball.com/goofball/ ... 404361.mp3
The best answering machine message ever!

VTP 404: Owner not found?
(link is broken)

[vkceankraz]

Gee, golly gee. Someone called me.
And here I am wondering, a-who could it be?
You'll leave your name and number with any luck,
'Cuz if I can't call you back, well then you're *cue well timed, censoring answering machine beep*

I think you're awesome.
Now my conventional voicemail message ("This is Kim. Leave a message.") seems so... five minutes ago.

[Silja]

A personal favorite:

"Hello (one could also answer with one's name, however you usually reply to people who call)!

(a pause here, giving the caller time to reply)

Nah, just kidding, I'm not available right now so leave a message after the beep, suckers! *beep*"

Kinda like the one Twinkle mentioned

[CWisgood]

My sister's say:

Yeah, that [static] son of a [static] is really getting on my nerves... hold on, I have a call... [really sweet voice] Hello, who is this? I'm sorry I'm not available right now, please leave the message after the beep. *beep* [silence] Yeah, I reckon that [more static] is gone... anyway, where are we... oh yeah, *beep*

That freaked me out the first time I called her.

[Cassi]

Well, not to download, but goodquotes.com has an answering machine section, I believe...

[Igg]

"This is the Orange Answerphone. The person you are calling is not available at the moment, please leave a message after the tone."

Meh.

I personally enjoy ones that go:

"hello?......yeah, ok, you?......what?.....I can't hear you......speak up a bit!" and so on until....*beep*

[Adam loves Hilary Duff]

"Suicide hotline, your call is important to us, please leave a message!"

[shapu]

Connery ideas:
"Hullo, thish is Sean Connery. You've reached the voishemail of shuch-and-sho, who obviously can't be bothered with anshering hish phone. Sho leave a messhage and, I preshume, he (or she) will get back to you. (pause) Now will you pleashe untie me?"

"Do you ekshpect me to talk?"
"No, Mister Bond, I expect you to *beep*"

Stolen from Seinfeld:
Believe it or not, (insert name) isn't at home,
So leave a message at the beep.
Believe it or not, (insert name) isn't at home,
Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not home! *beep*

[Christopher]

I'm going to have to steal that Sean Connery idea.