Quote:
Every day, millions of teens sign onto MySpace.com, the largest social networking site on the Internet, and spend countless hours customizing their page and talking with friends, among other things.
I, however, have been resisted the dark side of the Internet, and I urge everyone to do the same. On April 1, 2006, I propose that everyone who reads this (or perhaps hears it from one of their friends on MySpace) boycott this site, which has been overtaken Google as one of the most popular sites on the Internet. If this rebellion works, the students of Round Rock will finally work up the ability to go outside and experience what is commonly known as “living,” and not be enticed into venturing back onto the computer.
Why, you say, should we give up something we so dearly love for this, this thing called “living”? Why should you listen to me, as I myself have spent countless hours sitting in front of a monitor? Well, for starters, why use MySpace and exercise your fingers when you can exercise your arm muscles and voice by using the phone? In addition, many people’s faces who spend too much time in front of a conventional computer monitor will take on a greenish color. While this color can hardly be noticed, the amount of time teenagers spend in front of MySpace will most certainly cause this discoloration. Also, I use a LCD monitor, which doesn’t cause the same effect. [This sounds absurd. If it was your intention, well done. Otherwise, consider revising.]
Another reason that I think everyone should boycott MySpace is that the drastic decline in traffic can give other small websites, such as Google and Yahoo! a chance to shine. To add on to that, if teenagers simply click the ‘X’ in the upper right-hand corner of their Internet browser, they can use older, and sometimes thought of as “ancient,” forms of communication like instant messaging and e-mail. [Pragraph is incoherent, mixing incomplete thoughts.]
Finally, this boycott should happen because other sites, such as Xanga and LiveJournal, have lost members once thought of as faithful, simply because MySpace lets you search for friends based on location and interests. MySpace also lets you keep an online journal, and is completely void of any angst. True, MySpace does give a lot of attention to bands and artists, but why not Google them? In addition, online shorthand (also rudely referred to as chat speak) epidemic is growing, thanks in part to MySpace, although LiveJournal and Xanga have relatively resisted the virus.
So, I urge everyone to follow me in boycotting this monster on April 15, in hopes for a better tomorrow, for a world without MySpace means a world without corruption. After all, you must think of the children. ["Will someone please think of the children" line is awesome!]
Underlines are grammatical / stylistic errors.
Orange is mostly my editorial text. Generally, it's hard to discern whether or not you're writing a satirical article or failing at making a serious one. Consider adding more obviously ridiculous claims to alleviate this.
Not knowing much about the inherent dangers of MySpace, I get the "Yeah, and who cares?" feeling rather than the "Oh my god, how can they do this to our children!" one. Add more conspiracy theories! More "They're turning millions of teenagers into talentless zombies who melt under direct sunlight!". Less depriving Google/Yahoo of shining (I fail to see the tragedy there, making it a technically questionable statement rather than an obviously satirical one).
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