Archives For Neopets Comedy

A lot of people ask me for tips in what to write in their e-mail to to get their account unfrozen. Well, I figured it might be helpful to know what not to send good ol’ Iris in the event your account gets iced. Take out your notepads, kiddies, you may need to know this stuff some day. Here are the top 10 most unsuccessful things to write in an e-mail to

10. “I didn’t ask anyone for their password, I swear — I just threatened to kill them if they didn’t give it to me!”

9. “It wasn’t me that scammed all those people, my little sister got into my account! I made her write a full confession: ‘hi im matt’s sister & i scammed ppl’ SEE??”

Do you ever wonder why King Skarl is so grumpy? The world may never know. Here is what TNT tells us: “King Skarl is not happy”. (Would you be happy if everything in your kingdom was destroyed by the forces of Darigan?) BORRRRING!!!!! But we have a pretty good idea why.

He is told HORRIBLE jokes like:

Q: How didn’t you call a flock of brave Chombies similar to for treasure at Garon the Lupe?
A: When it’s don’t her a orb of bubbling Brucey B Combobot paint brushes!

Other reasons:

The jesters all spread rumors about him. BAD JESTER!!
He is told good jokes and expected to laugh.

The secrets of Neopia have always been in abundance, especially the ones which provide neither clue nor relation to the site itself, so I took the incredibly enjoyable duty of recording all of the header comments from the Neopian Times for you to enjoy. Who knows? Maybe they contain the key to get through the locked door in Neoquest I? Or maybe how to get Fyora to be a wee bit more generous with her sales in the Hidden Tower? Or maybe I’m making random suggestions? Or Maybe I should just list them?

• Now with 50% more useless text

Every year, Neopia grows … literally. Not only is our population increasing, the size of our pets are increasing. In 2004, over 64% of adult neopets were overweight, over 30% were obese, and 5% were at the point of no return. Being obese is defined as being 25% or more overweight based on height. The poor pets who suffer from obesity have to endure social displeasures on a daily basis such as constant insecurity and a drastically increased financial burden to themselves and the general public due to health issues related to obesity. Of course it is easy to point the blame at the victims of obesity, but in reality, a number of these unfortunate pets are victims of genetic obesity, inherited by ancestors rather than developed by a large consumption of groceries. No matter how much a pet weighs, he/she is affected by obesity in one way or another. If we separate those who are obese and allow them to live in a specific area of Neopia, it will create an opportunity to eliminate obesity and improve the overall health of this nation.

Kiko wounds all over Neopia heal and they take off their plasters only to reveal white tan marks.

Neopians all over the world reveal a hidden message by the giant sea slug saying; actual size. Officials tell them not to hate him for pretending that he is bigger than he actually is because this is due to the fact he was abused as a child and is under counseling for depression due to his size.

Officials at Roo island finally come to the conclusion building that building the island was a mistake because Dice-A-Roo already had a place in the games room.

In the Igloo Garage Sale game, Carassa finally finds out he could put the items in a box, go downstairs and politely hand them to Mika.